Random Stuff
by raeweis
Summary: Hedgehogs popping out of cereal boxes? Ponies in the dryer? Shadow wearing a Santa hat? A deranged fuse-wielding doll? And what does this have to do with the Game? Beats me. Guaranteed funny or your money back! Note: refunds not available. *smiles*
1. Cosmo's Return

**Hello! Welcome to another story. This is basically a collection of random oneshots I wrote. The ratings and genres will vary with each story, but for the most part it will be humor and K+. **

**Please enjoy.**

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**Genre: Humor**

**Characters: Tails and Cosmo**

**Rating: T (Nothing too bad. Just a death.)**

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Sonic X: Cosmo's Return

It all started in Tails' workshop. Sonic and Tails were in the middle of an argument.

"All I'm sayin' is, if we attached an automatic chili dog dispenser to the X-Tornado, battling Eggman would be way easier. That is, if fighting Eggman cold get any easier." Sonic was saying.

"I still don't see how the two are related." Tails replied as he looked at the crudely drawn blueprint Sonic had created for the automatic chilidog dispenser.

"Chili dogs make me happy. When I'm happy, I think clearer. If I'm thinking clearer, I can think of more ways to attack Eggman. If I have a bunch of ways to attack Eggman, we could beat him easy peasy!" Sonic said as if it was obvious.

Tails sighed. "There are many more things I could do to the X-Tornado that would help us defeat Eggman much more than an "automatic chili dog dispenser"."

Sonic crossed his arms. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

Tails began to talk the Language of Nerds. "_I do not understand a word he's saying." _Sonic thought as he watched Tails go on and on about a gamma ray deflector. When Tails finished, Sonic shot back a reply so intelligent it put Kim Ung-Yong to shame.

"Yeah? Well...Chili dogs taste better!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Tails asked, genuinely confused.

"Oh, you should know it has plenty to do with everything!"

A loud crashing sound came from the room next to the one Tails and Sonic were in. It sounded like a pot had fallen and shattered on the floor.

"Did you hear something?" Tails asked, turning his head towards the other room.

"Don't change the subject!" Sonic countered.

Tails and Sonic continued to argue as a Seedrian girl we all know as Cosmo walked into the room.

"Hi guys! I'm back from the dead!" Cosmo greeted the two quarreling animals.

"Stay out of this Cosmo!" Tails shouted, barely glancing at her.

Tails and Sonic resumed their argument until finally one of them grew a brain. Sadly, it was not Sonic.

"Wait...Cosmo!" Tails did a double take.

Out of nowhere Shadow entered, crashing through one of the workshop's windows. He had a pistol in one hand and a juice box in the other. He raised the gun and fired at Cosmo, who fell to the ground dead.

"My mission is complete. The Metarex spy is no longer operational. My work here is done." Shadow took a sip of his juice box.

Tails stood there looking completely flabbergasted.

"Uhhhh...Shadow...?" Sonic trailed off, unsure of what he was going to say.

Shadow turned and left the workshop, through the door this time. Tails and Sonic stared silently at Cosmo's lifeless body. Finally, Sonic broke the silence.

"So Tails, when are you going to start building that chili dog dispenser...?" he asked.

Tails let out an exasperated sigh. "Sonic..."

**The End**


	2. The Rainbow Stone

**Thanks to Tamara the Hybridian and Taria Robotnik for the reviews!**

**This story is actually based on a random skit my brother, sister, and I created while I was on a sugar high. It was fun.**

**Disclaimer: Shadow, Sonic, and Silver belong to SEGA. My Little Pony belongs to it's respective owner(idk who that is). The Rainbow Stone and related elements are property of me.**

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**Characters: Shadow and Sonic**

**Genre: Humor**

**Rating: K+**

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The Rainbow Stone

"Where's the peanut butter?"

"In the laundry room."

"Oh. Okay." Sonic walked into the laundry room. "Now, time to find that peanut butter."

Sonic gazed at the mountains of dirty laundry. There were so much dirty clothes in the laundry room that the floor was not visible. The dryer and the washing machine weren't visible either. This much laundry was inevitable, though. When you had almost all SEGA characters living in the same house there was going to be a lot of clothes to wash. Sonic was happy he didn't actually where very much clothes. It meant less laundry for him to do.

Sonic sighed and began his search. Eventually Sonic managed to clear a path the washer. He opened the door to the machine and looked inside. No peanut butter. He lifted a pile of dirty socks. Still no peanut butter. He completely tore apart the room. He did manage to find peanut butter, but it was the gross unsweetened kind. Sonic was about to give up when he heard voices coming from the dryer.

Sonic cautiously walked over to the dryer. Armed with a boat load of dryer sheets, Sonic opened the door. Out of the dryer came a blue unicorn type thing with a rainbow striped mane and tail, followed by a yellow unicorn looking thing with a pink mane and tail, who was followed by an orange pony wearing a cowboy hat.

"Yes! We're finally out of the dryer!" The blue one cheered.

"Umm…hi?" Sonic said, unsure of how these animals would react. "Who are you? And why were you in the dryer?"

"I'm Rainbow Dash." The blue one said.

"I'm Fluttershy." The yellow one said.

"An' I'm Apple Jack." The orange one said with a heavy western accent.

"We were trying to get back home to Ponyville." Rainbow Dash said. "But something went wrong with the portal and we got stuck."

Sonic nodded. "Okay. But that still doesn't explain why you were in my dryer."

"You don't know? Well, this dryer here serves as an Interdemensional Portal for Ponies and Peagasuses. We call it the I Triple P for short." Sonic snickered.

"Heh, heh. You triple pee."

"Sonic? Have you found the peanut butter yet?" Shadow walked into the room. He stared at the ponies for a moment and then asked, "Sonic, why are there two unicorns and a pony in our laundry room?"

Rainbow Dash frowned. "We're not unicorns, we're peagasuses."

"Whatever. Why are you here? Who are you?"

The ponies repeated everything they had just told Sonic. Shadow nodded thoughtfully. "So you three were trying to return home through a dimensional portal that doubles as our dryer, but you got stuck."

Sonic elbowed Shadow. "Weird, huh?"

"Considering all the things we've been through….yeah, it's still pretty weird."

"So, how are you guys going to get back to your world?" Sonic asked.

"Well, we got here using the Rainbow Stone, so I thought we could use it to get back." Rainbow Dash pulled out a small, spherical object. It was white and covered with different colored swirls and designs. "This stone is very powerful. It has the ability to warp time and space using a process called 'Rainbow Control'."

"Wait a minute." Shadow said. "That seems just like a Chaos Emerald. Your 'Rainbow Control' is only a knockoff of Chaos Control!"

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "Maybe Chaos Control is only a knockoff of Rainbow Control."

"Touché."

"Stop arguing guys." Sonic said. "Let's just find a way to get them back to their home."

Shadow nodded. "How does the portal work?"

"I don't know exactly, but the Rainbow Stone powers the portal." Fluttershy spoke up. "When we were going through the portal, it sort of lost all power, so we were stuck. "

"So you guys ran out of power. Hmmm..." Sonic rubbed his chin. A moment later he snapped his fingers and exclaimed, "I've got it!"

Sonic left, leaving Shadow alone with the three ponies in a very awkward silence. Apple Jack tried to break the silence. "So, do you guys like apples?"

Sonic returned at about that time. He was covered in dirt and cuts. A small crab clung to his ear by a claw. In Sonic's hand was a blue chaos emerald. "We can use the combined power of the Chaos Emerald and the Rainbow Stone to send them home." Sonic explained.

"Sonic? Are you aware that there is a crab on your ear?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Oh, that's just Steve. He and I go way back."

The three ponies looked at him questioningly. "Don't ask." Shadow said as he took the emerald from Sonic. "Let's just get them home so we can continue the search for the peanut butter."

Shadow lifted the emerald above his head. Rainbow Dash did the same with the rainbow stone.

"Chaos…"

"Rainbow…"

"…Control!" they both said together.

The dryer began to make an odd noise. "It's working!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "Now we can go home!"

Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack climbed into the dryer. Fluttershy turned to the two hedgehogs. "Thanks for the help! Maybe we will come back sometime for another visit!"

Shadow groaned inwardly. "Please, don't."

Fluttershy stepped into the dryer. The hedgehogs watched as the three ponies disappeared.

Sonic and Shadow stood in silence until they heard a very excited voice behind them.

"Guys! I found the peanut butter!"

Sonic and Shadow turned to see Silver holding an extra-large jar of creamy peanut butter. Sonic grinned. "Where was it?"

Silver shoveled a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. "The bathroom."

Neither Sonic nor Shadow knew how to respond to that.

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**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!**


	3. The Game

**Yeah! Another chapter!**

**Thank you to ervyone who has reviewed, followed, and favorited this story!**

**Disclaimer: All characters, brand names ect. belong to their respective owners.**

**Note: No fruit was harmed in the making of this fanfic.**

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The Game

Shadow was sitting in SEGA house doing whatever it was that Shadow liked to do. That's when Sonic walked into the room.

"Hey Shads! What's up?" Sonic grinned one of those very creepy grins that SpongeBob sometimes grins.

Shadow groaned. "What?"

Sonic's grin widened. "You just lost The Game!" His face fell. "Crap! Now I just lost The Game.

Shadow looked puzzled. "What game? If I had been a part of any game I can assure you that I would not have lost it."

Sonic grabbed a random flashlight and turned it on, then aimed it at his face. "Win this game, you cannot." He said in a poor Yoda impersonation.

Scary music began to play and lightning flashed outside, followed by the rumble of thunder. Odd, considering it had been sunny out only a millisecond ago.

"Sonic, get rid of the cheesy movie effects from the 80s and explain to me what the heck you're talking about." Shadow said, annoyed.

"Ugh, fine." Sonic somehow made all of the special effects disappear, then began to explain. "There is this game called The Game."

"The game?" Shadow asked.

"No, The Game." Sonic continued with his original story, "The rules of this game are that you are not allowed to talk about The Game, think about The Game, dream about The Game, or anything else that has to do with The Game. By telling you this both you and I have lost The Game. In fact, Raeweis has also lost The Game by writing this story."

Shadow made a tsk noise. "Sonic, I believe you just broke the fourth wall."

Raeweis glared at Sonic. "No, he _shattered_ it."

Sonic laughed sheepishly, "Oops. Sorry!"

Raeweis shook her head. "Just get back to the story, and don't let it happen again."

"So now do you understand The Game?" Sonic asked Shadow.

"Yeah, sort of. The whole thing just seems stupid."

"Well of course it's stupid! That's what makes it awesome!" Sonic was about to leave, when he stopped and turned back to Shadow. "By the way, you just lost The Game."

"Dang it!"

Later that night, Shadow had just finished brushing his teeth and was heading off to bed. He was wearing really cute Batman footie pajamas, because Batman and footie pajamas are cool, and was holding a glass of warm milk. On his way to his room in SEGA house, Shadow ran into Sonic.

"Ow! Watch where you're going!" Shadow growled, angry that Sonic had made him spill his warm milk all over his pjs.

"Clam down, Shadow. No use crying over spilled milk!" Sonic laughed at his horrible joke while the audience booed and threw rotten tomatoes at him.

"I'm not crying." Shadow said, though he was actually fighting back tears. These were his favorite pajamas! And now they were ruined! It's not like you could just wash them! The last time Shadow had gone to the laundry room….He shuddered at the memory.

"You will be crying soon." Sonic said as he picked rotten tomato out of his quills.

"And why is that?"

Sonic began to grin creepily again. "Because, you just lost The Game!"

Sonic ran off, laughing madly while Shadow yelled curses at him.

The rest of the week went on like this. Sonic would constantly bother Shadow about The Game every chance he got, no matter where they were. It happened in places like…..

The Kitchen:

Shadow reached down into the cupboard and grabbed his favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes. He opened the box and poured cereal into his bowl. Out of the box tumbled Sonic, who landed on Shadow's cereal, crushing the terrified flakes.

"Ghah! What the…? How did you…?"

The creepy grin returned to Sonic's face. "You just lost The Game!"

"Sonic!"

"Oh c'mon Shadow! You know you love it. Its grrrreat!"

With that statement, Sonic flicked the spoon and the cereal, along with Sonic, began to spiral down the drain, much like a toilet.

Grocery Store:

Shadow was walking down the cereal aisle at the local grocery store. After what had happened that morning Shadow had decided to replace all of his cereal. He finally found the Frosted Flakes. Putting a couple boxes into the cart, he walked over to the fruit section to buy cheese. Nah, I'm just kidding! He went to buy fruit!

Anyway, Shadow was examining a peculiar looking cantaloupe when he heard a noise coming from the watermelons.

"Hey Shadow! Psst! Shadow!"

Shadow turned to look at the watermelon. "I think I have finally gone insane. I guess it was bound to happen eventually."

"Don't worry! You're not insane...yet." the watermelon spoke again.

The water melon exploded and out popped Sonic. He had half a watermelon on his head, like the melon hats Saskatchewan Roughrider fans usually wear to football games or any sporting event really. Roughrider fans are strange.

Shadow jumped back, trying to avoid being covered in watermelon guts. He failed. Sonic laughed at him. "And to make things worse, you just lost The Game!"

With that, Sonic rode away on a rainbow in search of the lucky charms.

The Bathroom:

….

No, not the bathroom. Sonic's not _that_ weird. Well….

PGA Golf Tour:

The golfers were on hole eighteen, the final hole. Tiger Woods was up to putt. If he made this shot, he would be guaranteed victory. Woods got into his golf stance and prepared for the shot, Shadow was wringing his hands nervously. Tiger Woods was his favorite golfer. If he won, Shadow would win the bet he had made with Eggman. Eggman was a fan of Graham Delaet, who was currently in first place.

Tiger Woods was about to shoot.

"Hey Shadow." Someone whispered.

"I know that voice." Shadow turned around. "Sonic? What are you doing here?"

"Watching golf, duh!"

"At least you didn't pop out of any random places this time." Shadow turned his attention back to golf.

"I also came to tell you something."

"What?"

"YOU JUST LOST THE GAME! Sonic shouted at the top of his lungs. This startled Woods, who missed the shot, causing him to lose the Tour.

Sonic dove into one of the water hazards and swam away, despite the fact he was afraid of water. All of the golf fans turned and glared at Shadow. Pitchforks and torches appeared in their hands randomly. Shadow groaned. "This is not going to end well."

The Park:

Having just returned from the hospital, Shadow decided to go to the park. He hoped that Sonic would not be there.

Shadow sat down on a park bench that bordered a large fountain. Shadow sighed happily. Still no Sonic. It was turning out to be a wonderful day.

"Shadow?"

Shadow's eyes opened wide in terror as he saw the blue menace exit the fountain. He was wearing a full scuba diving suit and was holding a pickle. "No! Not you!"

"Shadow, you just…"

Shadow cut him off. "If you say I just lost The Game one more time I am going to spill milk on _your_ pajamas, ruin _your_ favorite cereal, explode watermelon all over _your_ face, and send a mob of angry golf fans after _you_!"

"I was just going to tell you that you just sat in wet paint. But now that you mention it," Sonic grinned. "You just lost The Game!"

"SONIC!"

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**Sonic's gonna get it now! Whatever "it" is. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please, feel free to leave a review.**

**And by the way, YOU JUST LOST THE GAME! :)**


	4. What If?

**A short colection of What If?s. Please enjoy!**

**Thankyou to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You guys are amazing people!**

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What If?

What If Shadow Had Been Nicer In SA2?

_Shadow's mean, vengeful personality did a lot to affect what happened in SA2. But what if he had been very nice and caring?_

Eggman had just broken into the secret lab on Prison Island. It had been way too easy.

"Now, let's take a look at what my grandfather was working on; a top secret military weapon. The military shut down the research because they feared it!"

He came to a stop in front of a large steel door. It was locked. Eggman quickly typed in the password. The door slid open.

Eggman entered the lab. He let out a laugh as he saw the small machine before him. Behind the machine was a rectangular hole. He moved towards the machine. "So this is the military's top secret weapon? It's a lot smaller than I expected."

Eggman looked at the control pad on the machine. "Enter user data, aha…enter password. Password is MA-RI-A. Maria!" He typed the relevant keys on the pad. "Now all I have to do is to place the Chaos Emerald into this console."

Eggman placed a whit Chaos Emerald into a square section on the console and watched as…nothing happened. Curious, Eggman jumped down into the hole and looked around. The only thing that was in this hole was a small pod. There was the sound of steam being released, and then the pod began to rise. The pod opened. A hedgehog stepped out. Eggman's jaw dropped.

"What's that? Is that you Sonic? Are you trying to spoil my plans again?" Eggman took a closer look at the hedgehog. "Wait a minute, you're not Sonic. This is impossible!"

The hedgehog looked at Eggman. "Hi! My name is Shadow. Since you were so kind to release me, I will grant you one wish." He stopped, and then added. "Might I suggest wishing for world peace?"

Alarms began to go off. A giant surveillance robot entered the room. "Let me show you the power I possess." Shadow said.

Shadow used his rocket shoes to launch himself at the robot. He drew back his fist then… pulled the battery out of the robot. "I'm sorry robot. It had to be done."

"So Shadow, _you _are the military's top secret weapon? But what did you mean when you said you would grant me a wish?" Eggman asked.

"I meant exactly that. Wish for anything and I will do all in my power to make it come true. I highly suggest you wish for world peace."

Eggman shook his head. "I wish that Sonic was destroyed and that I was ruler of the planet!"

"I don't know. Is that really what you want?"

"Yes."

"Don't you think there is something better? Something like world peace?"

"My decision is final."

"I believe you are making a big mistake. You really shouldn't take over the world. People could get hurt. I think it would be in your best interest to wish for world peace."

Eggman sighed. "Fine. I wish for world peace."

And so Shadow went all around the world solving crime and ending wars. The world became a wonderful place and the moon never got blown up.

So basically, _Sonic Adventure 2_ never happened.

What If the Knights of the Round Table Had Killed Merlina Before Sonic Saved Her?

*WARNING! Contains Spoilers to Sonic and The Black Knight*

_After killing King Arthur we are shown a cut scene in which the Knights of the Round Table are approaching Merlina, about to execute her. Sonic arrives before they do and stop them. But what if Sonic hadn't gotten there in time?_

Merlina was standing in the castle courtyard when she was approached by the three knights. Lancelot crossed his arms. "We have orders from the King. Have you any last words?"

Merlina smiled. "Your King was nothing more than an illusion my grandfather conjured up."

Percival raised her fist. "You'd better start explaining Merlina."

All three knights drew their swords. Merlina began to feel nervous. _Sonic, where are you?_ "Well, my grandfather, uh, he, uh…"

"Spit it out already, before our patience runs out!" Gawain stepped forwards.

"Mine already has." Lancelot lunged forwards and sunk Arondight deep into her chest. She fell to the ground, dead.

"Merlina!" Sonic ran up to the girl's lifeless body. "Crap, I'm too late! I really shouldn't have stopped in the castle gift shop before coming here!"

Gawain noticed something in Sonic's hand. "Hey, where did you get that scabbard?"

"Oh, this?" Sonic held up the scabbard of Excalibur. "I got this after defeating your King."

All the knights paled. "You mean, the King is, dead?" Percival's voice shook slightly. Lancelot bowed his head. Gawain was furious.

"You killed our king! Now you must die too!" The knights all lunged at Sonic, who dashed off at the speed of sound.

They chased Sonic for a long time. Then they got tired. Percival yawned. "I'm going to bed."

She left, leaving Lancelot and Gawain to plot their revenge.

"We should massacre him!" Gawain suggested.

"A massacre would involve a large number of people. We can't risk harming any of the townspeople. We need to get him somewhere alone."

"Okay, so we will get him into an empty lot, and massacre him."

"No. We have to be sneaky about this. We should invite him over..."

"And massacre him…a lot." Gawain grinned evilly. Lancelot sighed.

"No. We will prepare him some food, and then we will…"

"Eat the food while he watches, ignore him when he asks for some, and then massacre him."

"No. We will poison the food. He will eat the food, and then die."

"And then we can massacre him!" Gawain pumped his fist in the air.

Lancelot was getting very annoyed. "No! He'd already be dead. Why would we kill him again?"

Gawain began to pout. "I still want to massacre something."

"There will be plenty of things to massacre in the future."

"Can I at least massacre the food?"

"What?" Lancelot began to rub his temples, trying to soothe the headache Gawain was giving him. "Yes, go ahead. Just please help me get some food prepared so we can kill Sonic."

And so the two knights began to prepare for their plan.

…but never executed it because SEGA wouldn't allow them to.

What If the Shadow the Hedgehog Game Was Aimed Towards Teaching Kids Family Values?

_Children are supposed to respect their parents and be obedient to them. The relationship between Shadow and Black Doom is not at all like this. What if we changed that?_

"Shadow, I am your father." Black Doom boomed. (Total _Star Wars_ rip off! I know it didn't actually happen like that, but bear with me.)

"What?" Shadow fell to his knees. "How can this be?"

"It's time to start the attack. Join me Shadow."

"No."

"What? You must. I'm your father, you do as I say." Black Doom said. "You are far too young to be in the rebellious stage."

Shadow sighed. "Fine. But only 'cause I have to."

Shadow and Black Doom began their assault on the planet, because you are always supposed to listen to your parents, and his parent told him to. Eventually Sonic and co. managed to defeat Shadow and Black Doom. Sonic sat down and had a serious talk with Shadow about his actions in taking sides with Black Doom.

"You should never listen to someone who is evil." Sonic scolded.

"But the Ten Commandments say to "Honor thy father and thy mother'!" Shadow replied.

"They also say, "Thou shalt not kill'."

"Point taken." Shadow sighed. "What do you do when two of the Ten Commandments clash?"

"You're supposed to…" Sonic stopped. "I…I don't know."

Sonic and Shadow exchanged super cheesy smiles. A montage set to intense spy music starts and shows Shadow and Sonic as they travel across the universe trying to find the answer to this very important question.

Unfortunately, they never find it because SEGA decides to change the ending of the game and forget all about family values. The end.


	5. Shadow Claus Part 1

**Welcome to another story! First off, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and everyone who reviewed _Kill A Fly In The Past_. If you haven't already read it, I suggest you do.**

**Now, since it is the middle of summer I thought it was only appropriate to make...a Christmas Special!**

**Disclaimer: Sonic and related characters belong to SEGA/Sonic Team.**

**And now, introducing a story so big, so intense it had to be split into two parts, give it up for...**

**Shadow Claus**

_-Part I-_

It's that time of year again; the time for giving and spending time with family and friends. That's right, it's Christmas! Oh, you thought I was talking about Thanksgiving? How embarrassing…for you!

In Central City, everyone was getting ready for the Christmas season. Well, almost everyone.

"Will you please help me put the star on the tree Mr. Shadow?"

"No."

"Please?" Cream gave Shadow the biggest, cutest puppy dog eyes in the history of puppy dog eyes and cuteness.

Sonic joined in with his own puppy eyes. "Yeah, please Mr. Shadow?"

"I almost said yes, until you joined in Sonic." Shadow said, crossing his arms across his chest.

Cream's face fell, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Everyone glared accusingly at Shadow, who sighed. "Fine, I'll do it. Just, don't cry."

A huge smile lit Cream's face as she handed Shadow the tree topper. Shadow used his hover skates to reach the top of the tree and placed the star on top. Tails plugged the star into the power outlet and everyone clapped as the tree lit up. The colored lights blinked in pretty patterns as cheery holiday music began to play. Shadow groaned.

"What's wrong Shads, don't you like Christmas music?" Sonic asked.

"One, don't call me 'Shads', my name is Shadow, and two, I don't like Christmas period." Shadow growled at Sonic.

"How could you not like Christmas?" Silver asked. "You get to spend time with your friends and family, eat great food, and give and receive gifts."

"Cheese and I have been extra good this year so that Santa will bring us lots of presents." Cream said as Cheese chaoed.

"You believe in all of that Santa crap?" Shadow snorted. "You do know that there is no such thing as Santa, right?"

"Santa doesn't exist?" Cream asked, more tears forming in her eyes.

"Of course Santa exists. Shadow was just being silly." Blaze comforted the young rabbit. She turned her gaze to Shadow and said through gritted teeth, "Right Shadow?"

For the second time that day everyone glared at Shadow. He ignored their gazes and started out of the room. "You can believe what you want. I'll believe what I want. There is no Santa."

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Meanwhile up in the North Poll, Santa's elves were busy preparing the naughty and nice lists. They studied their computer monitors before scribbling names in their note books.

"I sure am glad Santa upgraded our workshop." said one of the elves, "With these new scanners we can easily determine who's naughty and nice!"

"I agree, definitely one of Santa's best ideas." replied the elf sitting next to him.

In the background, a shout could be heard. "It was my idea, not his! Mine! Mine! MINE!" Needless to say the elf that had been shouting was drug away to the Elf Asylum.

One of the computers began beeping. "Odd, the scanners are picking up highly concentrated amounts of naughtiness in the Central City area." The elf seated at the monitor observed. The Supervising Elf in the workshop walked over to the elf and peered over his shoulder at the screen.

"Hmm…This only happens when someone claims Santa does not exist." The Supervising Elf stated.

"What do we do?" asked an elf.

"The only thing we can do. Take Central City off the list of places to go." came a booming voice.

Everyone gasped and turned to look at the man who had spoken. He was very plump and wore all red. His cheeks were rosy and a long white beard covered his chin.

"But Santa! We can't! Think of the children!" argued the Supervising Elf.

"It's the law, Elfbert." Santa walked over to a large picture of an equally large man wearing a long red robe. "It's been the law since the first ever Santa, St. Nick."

"There must be something you can do!" the Supervising Elf, Elfbert, continued to argue. Santa bowed his head.

"I'm afraid there isn't. I will not be visiting Central City this year, and that's final."

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Christmas came and went. Kids all over the world woke up to piles of presents and stockings filled with treats, except for the kids in Central City. The cries of depressed children filled the air, the ultimate question being, "Why didn't Santa come?"

Cream sat with the others in Tails' workshop, tears filling her eyes. "I can't believe Santa didn't come. Cheese and I were extra good. Do you think that, maybe we weren't good? Maybe we were actually bad?"

"You're the most polite and nice kid I know." Sonic said, giving her a huge grin. "There's no way you could be bad."

"Unless…" Tails trailed off as everyone turned an accusing glare on Shadow.

"What?" he asked, becoming uncomfortable under their gazes. Why did everyone always glare at him?

"Unless somebody, not mentioning names because you know who you are Shadow, was so bad it cancelled out all the goodness!" Sonic determined.

"You think this is my fault?" Shadow asked disbelievingly. Everyone nodded as Cream began to cry.

"No. It can't be my fault because there is no such thing as Santa!" Shadow crossed his arms across his chest.

Cream burst out in a fresh set of tears and ran out of the room, Tails, Silver, Blaze and everyone else chasing after her. Only Shadow and Sonic remained in the room. Sonic shook his head.

"Just had to add salt to wound, didn't you Shadow?" Sonic turned and left the room.

Shadow shook his head in disbelief. "There's no way this is my fault. Santa doesn't exist!" he repeated.

Shadow heard bawling coming from the other room. He could almost feel everyone's glares through the wall. He sighed. "But if it is my fault, perhaps I should fix this."

Shadow stood up and headed for the door, a determined look on his face. "If Santa does exist, I'm going to go to the North Pole and knock some sense into the fat man." He smirked. "And by 'fat man', I don't mean the Doctor."

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**Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for part two! Please leave a review!**

**Also, I have a poll on my profile now. If you could take the time to vote it would be greatly appreciated. The question is: What should the genre for my next story be?**


	6. Shadow Claus Part 2

**Disclaimer: Sonic and related characters belong to SEGA/Sonic Team. I also don't own the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song or the original Santa Clauseis Coming To Town song, but I do own the new version of it.**

**Prepare yourselves for the next and final installment of...**

**Shadow Claus**

_-Part II-_

Using Chaos Control, Shadow managed to teleport himself all the way to the North Pole. Much to his surprise, he saw that there was a large workshop and a quaint community of cottages. There was also a fine sized stable a short distance from the workshop. Shadow shook his head in disbelief. "I must be dreaming. There is no way Santa exists. But maybe…"

A couple of elves (who coincidentally were Shadow's size, 'cause he's short) wandered by, not paying much attention to Shadow as they talked. "So next year Santa was thinking of adding rocket boosters to the sleigh. That way he'll move twice as fast and efficiency will increase fifty percent!" one elf was saying.

"Wow! Santa sure is full of great ideas!" the other elf replied.

Off in the distance a shout could be heard. "Those were both MY ideas! Not Santa's. MINE!" That elf was put in a strait jacket and, once again, thrown into the 'special' room in the Elf Asylum.

Shadow walked into the cottage community until he came to the largest of the cottages. It was red and white and had a sign outside that read, "_The Claus'"_. Shadow walked up to the door, stepping on the welcome mat in the process. Shadow looked down on the mat and nearly died due to the cheesiness of the words. On the mat was written, "_Home Sweet Ho-Ho-Home!"_

Shadow lifted his hand and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again, but got the same result. With a sigh, Shadow drew back his foot, but right when he was about to kick the door down, the door opened. Shadow swung his foot forward and it connected with a very large bellied man. The man was sent flying backwards and into an overly decorated Christmas tree.

Shadow stood in shock. He had just kicked Santa Claus! Which meant…

"So, you do exist." Shadow observed as Santa picked himself up off the ground. This simple act was proving difficult for Santa as he was stuck on his back, kind of like a turtle. Shadow walked over and pulled the fat man to his feet.

"Yes, I do. Now, who are you?" Santa asked. He dusted off his red pants.

"I am Shadow. Shadow the Hedgehog." Shadow said, crossing his arms across his chest in his trademark pose.

"I'm afraid the name doesn't ring a bell." Santa began to stand the Christmas tree up that he had knocked down, thanks to Shadow.

"Someone's bell is going to be rung if you don't tell me what the h-" Santa gave him a look, "-eck is going on here." Shadow threatened. "If you do exist, why didn't you come to Central City this year?"

Santa sighed before turning to a computer in the room. He began typing things on the keyboard as a map of the world popped up on the screen. "This is our world." Santa said. He typed more things on the keyboard and zoomed in on an area of the map. "This is Central City."

"What's that dark cloud covering the city?" Shadow asked.

"It is a cloud of naughtiness." Santa said bitterly. "This particular cloud only appears when someone claims that I don't exist."

_Oops. _"That's no reason to not visit an entire city." Shadow shook his head.

"It's in the Sacred Law of Santa." Santa said simply.

"You could have made an exception."

Santa pulled a large book from a shelf and opened it. "Page 203, chapter 7, section 2, subjection 5, paragraph 3, sentence 2: No exceptions." He read. Putting the book away, Santa sighed. "I'm sorry, Shadow. If there was something I could do, I would. Unfortunately, Christmas is over."

"No. It's not over until the fat man sings." Shadow declared. "And again, by fat man, I mean you, not the Doctor."

"I can't deliver presents when it's not Christmas. I'm afraid I can't do anything." Santa bowed his head in sadness.

"Well, if you're not going to deliver the presents, I'll do it." Shadow stated. He was prepared to do anything to stop the children's saddened cries. Santa shook his head.

"Only members of the Claus family can deliver the presents."

Shadow smirked. "Just call me Shadow Claus."

Santa opened his mouth but Shadow cut him off. "Don't you dare call me that."

And so an epic montage set to cheery Christmas music began, showing Shadow as he put on a red Santa cap and a thick black belt. Shadow armed himself with a tube of glitter and a glue gun, both of which he tucked in his belt. He grabbed the large sack of presents that had been meant for Central City. He was ready to go. The montage ended as Shadow, with the sack over his shoulder, exited the workshop in slow motion, like in one of those really intense action movies. "Alright, now to go back to Central City and fix this mistake."

Shadow was about to use Chaos Control to go back but realized that, without his emerald, he wouldn't have enough power to get himself and the presents back safely. He sighed. "Looks like I'll have to resort to more conventional methods of travel."

Shadow looked around but stopped again, his gaze settling on a large cherry red sleigh. A small smirk lined his face.

In no time Shadow had the sack loaded into the back of the sleigh and was just finishing getting all nine reindeer hooked up.

"Do you even know how to fly the sleigh?" a reindeer with a red nose standing in the lead position of the sleigh team asked.

"No." Shadow finished harnessing the reindeer together.

"You had better not crash us. Santa would get very upset." The reindeer said.

"You had better shut your mouth or else that nose of yours won't be the only thing that's red."

The reindeer clamped its mouth firmly closed as Shadow climbed into the sleigh. "Here goes nothing."

Shadow flicked the reins and, ironically, nothing happened (Anti-joke reference). Shadow flicked the reins again but the reindeer did not move. The reindeer closest to Shadow turned his head and said, "You have to do Santa's speech before we take off."

"I am not saying a speech."

"You have to! Otherwise we can't leave."

Shadow groaned. "Fine." He cleared his throat. "You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen."

All the elves started to join in. "But do you recall? The most famous reindeer of all?"

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

"Apparently for good reason too." Shadow added. The elves all glared at Shadow before continuing.

"They never let poor Rudolph, join in any reindeer games!" they sang.

Shadow flicked the reins and the reindeer took off as the elves continued to sing the song.

"Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, 'Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' Then how the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with glee, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you'll go down in history!"

* * *

Shadow steered the sleigh towards Central City. It was nighttime by then, so all of the citizens would be asleep. Shadow was relieved. At least now no one would be able to see him…

"Hey! Is that Shadow? Is he driving Santa's sleigh?" Sonic rolled on the ground laughing as Silver tried to hide his own snickers. Shadow shot them both a Death Glare but it only made them laugh more.

By this time most of the city had begun to wake up. All the city folk crowded into the streets to see what was going on. "Just get it over with, Shadow." Shadow said to himself as he flew the sleigh lower to the ground. Taking a deep breath, Shadow opened the sack and began to toss presents down to the children.

Everyone cheered as they received their gifts. Soon Tails and Silver had floated up to the sleigh and helped Shadow hand out presents as all the townspeople began to sing,

"You better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout I'm telling you why! Shadow Claus is coming to town!

Said Santa didn't exist. Tears fell from Cream's eyes. Went to the land of snow and ice. Shadow Claus is coming to town!

Oh! You better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout I'm telling you why! Shadow Claus is coming to town! Shadow Claus is coming to town!"

Just as Shadow, Tails, and Silver finished handing out gifts, the song ended. Shadow landed the sleigh in front of Tails' workshop and hopped out. Everyone cheered and began to crowd around him, much to his annoyance.

"STOP!" a loud voice boomed.

Everyone froze before scurrying away, creating a clear path for the newcomer to Shadow. Shadow watched as a large bellied man wearing all red stomped towards him.

"What is the meaning of all this?" Santa asked Shadow.

"I was giving the presents to the children." Shadow said innocently, at least as innocent as something can sound coming from a homicidal hedgehog. Santa fumed.

"First you disgrace the proud Claus name, then you steal my hat and the presents, next you go and play Grand-Theft-Sleigh, and worst of all, you deliver presents when it's not Christmas! You have made a mockery of a sacred tradition! I will make sure that no Santa Claus ever comes to Central City ever again!"

Everyone gasped. Shadow glared menacingly at Santa but before he could speak, a small voice piped up.

"I don't want to sound rude, Mr. Claus, but I think all of this has taught Mr. Shadow a very valuable lesson. He learned that you do exist, and he learned the value of giving to others." Cream said.

"But what about what he did in order to learn this lesson? I can't just overlook that." Santa protested.

Shadow shrugged. "You could. The ends do justify the means."

Cream looked up at Santa with puppy eyes. "Please, Mr. Claus. Forgive my friend. He won't ever do it again.

Shadow shook his head. "I make no promises." Sonic snickered.

Santa sighed. "I can't resist such a cute face." He said to Cream. "Alright, I forgive Shadow and I promise that I will be coming to Central City next year and all the years to come!"

Everyone began to cheer and families embraced each other. Cream gave Santa a big hug while Cheese fluttered around his head and 'chaoed.' Sonic smiled and put an arm around Shadow in a good show of friendship. Shadow, in turn, gave Sonic a huge punch to the face in a good show of 'I hate you.'

And so ends our merry tale of Christmas. Shadow learned the importance of giving to others and that Santa Claus does indeed exist. In closing, I have one final thing to say, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight! Or good morning! Maybe even good afternoon, depending on when you're reading this."

Shadow groaned. "Just end the story."

The End! :)

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!**

**Thank you to the people who reviewed Part 1, you guys get cookies! Yeah, probably not.**

**And the anti-joke refrenced above, here it is: A daring man proclaimed "Well, here goes nothing!" And nothing happened.**

**Yeah, it's hilarious, I know.**

**Please show some love this Christmas season and leave a review!...even though it's not actually Christmas yet. ;)**


	7. The Fanny Pack

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and related characters or Xbox. They belong to their respective owners.**

**The Fanny Pack**

It was a warm, sunny day. The sky was bright blues, the birds sang and a slight breeze rustled the leaves. Overhead the sun shone down, not a cloud to obscure it. Yes, it was a warm sunny day, but who really cares about what the weather was like?

Anyway, it had been a very lazy day for Sonic and co. Most of our heroes spent the day relaxing. Shadow the Hedgehog, in particular, was having an extremely pleasant day.

The Ultimate Lifeform sat on the lowest branch of an elderly oak tree in the park lightly dozing. He had been there for most of the day, listening to the calming sounds of nature mixed with the bustle of city life.

"Hey pal, watch where you're going!"

"Taxi! Taxi! Hello? TAXI!"

"Help! That man took my purse!"

See? Very relaxing.

Eggman hadn't attacked in a while, and GUN hadn't sent the hedgehog on any missions, so Shadow had a lot of spare time. The best part of all though, was that the moron Sonic the hedgehog wasn't there to bother him.

_Oh no. I totally just jinxed that._

"SHADOW? SHADOW?"

Shadow's eyes shot open as a voice startled him, causing him to topple out of the tree. Shadow landed on his face right at the feet of an all too familiar blue hedgehog.

"There you are!" Sonic grinned as Shadow picked himself up off the ground spitting out dirt and grass.

"What do you want?" Shadow asked. Sonic's grin widened. _This better not be another stupid thing like The Game. _Shadow thought. _Oh shoot, now I just lost the game._

"I just had an epiphany!" Sonic stated proudly. Shadow sighed.

"Realizing t-shirts are named due to their shape is not an epiphany, it's just stupid."

"No, it wasn't that!" Sonic said. "But now that you mention it, I guess it would make sense to call them t-shirts, since they are shaped like the letter T." Sonic shook his head. "But no, I thought of something even better. Something that will change lives and revolutionize carrying items everywhere!"

"Just get to the point."

"The Fanny Pack." Sonic said, swooping his hands in an outward direction.

"That's already been invented." Shadow growled, annoyed that his time was being wasted.

"Yes, but not a fanny pack that can be carried at the speed of sound without being torn to shreds." Sonic gazed dramatically into the distance. "Just think about it. A fanny pack this amazing could make our lives way easier. How many times have we've been running while holding a chaos emerald, only to drop it or having the bad guy grab right out of our hands?"

Shadow looked to where Sonic was staring. Failing to see whatever it was that had captured Sonic's attention, Shadow turned back to the awestruck hedgehog. "I honestly don't think we've ever dropped a chaos emerald."

"Well, there were the multiple times while fighting the Metarex, once up on ARK, twice when battling Chaos, that one time when Chris Thorndyke duped you and Eggman and stole two emeralds right from under your noses.." Sonic counted them off on his fingers.

"Point taken. So why did you have to tell me?" Shadow asked.

"Well duh! I need a business partner. Someone to help me create the 'Ultimate Fanny Pack'!" Sonic nudged Shadow. "So, are you going to help?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a chili dog on top?"

"Absolutely not."

"Aw, c'mon. I'll be your best friend!"

"Heck no!"

Sonic took a deep breath. "PPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEE EEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSE EEEEEEEEEE?"

"If I agree, will you shut up?"

"Yes."

Shadow groaned. "Fine, I'll help you."

Sonic pumped his fist in the air. "Alright!"

**VvVvVvV**

"Agh! I can't take this anymore! My brain's about to explode!"

"Sonic, we only started thirty seconds ago."

Sonic the Hedgehog rubbed his temples. After Shadow finally agreed to help Sonic with his fanny pack idea, the two hedgehogs had set off for Tails' workshop. Once there, they explained to Tails their plan and the fox lent them an area of his workshop to use as well as any tools they might need. Now Sonic and Shadow found themselves seated at a table in the corner of the room staring at a blank piece of paper. Shadow had already begun to regret agreeing to working with his blue doppelganger.

"Is it possible to burst a vein in your brain just by thinking? 'Cause I think I have." Sonic asked.

Shadow sighed. "Can we just hurry up and design this thing?"

Sonic nodded and grabbed a pencil. "Alright. Let's get started!"

The two hedgehogs stared at the blank piece of paper. And they stared. And they stared a bit more. And a little more. They just kept staring at the paper. Then they went out for lattes. Nah, I'm just kidding. They actually continued to stare at the paper.

Sonic rubbed the grey beard he had grown. He snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"

Sonic ripped the fake beard off of his chin and began scribbling furiously on the paper. When he was done, Shadow looked at what Sonic had made.

On the paper Sonic had written, "_Tails can design it for us!"_

"You couldn't have thought of that hours ago!?"

Sonic shrugged sheepishly while Shadow gave him a death glare.

Shadow took a deep breath to calm himself. "Let's just find Tails and get him to make this thing."

Sonic nodded and the two hedgehogs left their work area in search of Tails. They eventually found him in another section of his workshop making alterations to the X Tornado.

"Hey Tails! You think you could help us?" Sonic asked the young fox.

"Sure Sonic. What do you need help with?"

"Shadow and I are a little stumped on the whole fanny pack project so we were wondering if you could get us started." Sonic told his younger bro.

Tails sighed. "And by that you mean, can I make the fanny pack for you guys?"

Sonic gave Tails a thumbs up. "Exactly! You know me so well! So will you do it?"

"Yes, I suppose I could." Tails set down the tools he had been using and headed over to Sonic and Shadow's workspace.

Tails began to sketch something on a blank sheet of paper. The two hedgehogs watched him for a while, but soon got bored and headed into Tails' house to play Xbox. A few hours later, Tails called Sonic and Shadow back into the workshop.

"Well? Do you like it?" Tails asked, handing two identical fanny packs to Sonic and Shadow.

Shadow examined the fanny pack. The pouch was bright red with a yellow zipper. The strap to go around your waist was white and had a yellow buckle on the side. On the front of the pouch was a picture of Sonic's head, grinning his trademark grin. "Do you want an honest opinion?"

"It's...it's..." a small tear sprung to Sonic's eye. "It's...BEAUTIFUL!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Shadow said under his breath.

Sonic was ecstatic. "It's perfect Tails! It's so could, we could sell them! We could make a whole business surrounding these!"

Sonic turned to Shadow. "What d'ya say, Shadow? Want to get into the fanny pack business with me."

"No. The last thing I want is to sell these...these..._things_ with you." With that, Shadow exited the workshop.

Sonic shrugged. "Oh well. His loss." Sonic turned to Tails. "Do you want to join me?"

The young fox only sighed.

**VvVvVvV**

"Shh! It's starting!"

All the Sonic characters sat around the TV in Tails' house. Sonic had forced them to come over so they could watch the commercial for the new fanny packs he and Tails had made (well, it was only Tails who made them, but the fox didn't want to knock his older bro off his high horse.). Soon the commercial had started. Shadow groaned. "Oh boy."

**Spokesman: **How many times have you been running at the speed of sound carrying a very valuable item, only to drop it or have it taken out of your hands?

_(Camera shows a group of random kids.)_

**Random Kids: **Uhh, never.

**Spokesman: **Well you need the all new Super Sonic Fanny Pack! _(A picture of the fanny pack appears on the screen.)_ Made of a super strong material, this fanny pack is able to withstand speeds exceeding the speed of sound! Not only that, this fanny pack is also highly fashionable!

_(The screen changes to show a very fashionable teenage girl.)_

**Fashionable Teen: **Ugh, that thing is so totally ugly. It's like, fashion suicide.

**Spokesman: **Critics rave, "_The Super Sonic Fanny Pack greatly revolutionizes carrying things! A must have!"_

**Critics: **We never said that. You just made it up.

**Spokesman: **Call now to receive your Super Sonic Fanny Pack for only four easy payments of _*mumbles* _$99.99. _*back to normal voice pitch* _But wait! Call now and we'll double the offer! You'll get two Super Sonic Fanny Packs for the price of one! Just pay separate shipping and handling. (_A phone number appears on the bottom of the screen.) _Just call 1-800-fany-pack to receive your Super Sonic Fanny Pack. Go on, call today!

The commercial ended. Everyone stared at the blank screen. "So, what did you guys think?" Sonic prompted the group.

"That was just...awful...My eyes..." Shadow rubbed his eyes in an attempt to un-see the commercial. "Can someone please throw me out of ARK so I can crash into the planet and get amnesia again?"

Silver nodded. "I have to agree with Shadow. Except for the whole _'crashing into the planet' _thing."

Everyone else in the room nodded their agreement.

Sonic's bottom lip trembled. "But...but...I worked so hard on it."

Knuckles placed a hand on Sonic's shoulder. "Face it Sonic, no one is going to buy one of those Granny Sacks."

"It's called a _Fanny Pack."_

"Whatever. Point is, no one will want to buy one."

Sonic stared off into the middle distance again and whispered very dramatically, "People will buy my fanny packs, I just know it." He clenched his fist determinedly. "I'll show you. I'll show you all. Fanny packs are not useless. They will be bought!"

Sonic began to laugh evilly but the laugh was cut short by a bought of coughing. Everyone backed slowly away from the blue hedgehog, having finally realized that their friend may have finally lost his marbles.

* * *

**Sonic: I have not lost my marbles! They're right here! (holds up bag filled with marbles.)**

**Me: (face palms) Not what I meant.**

**Sorry about taking so long to update. This past week I was at a hockey camp which didn't leave me much time for writing. At this camp though, I realized two things: 1) I missed hockey a lot! 2) Shadow really needs to work on his skating stride. No wonder he isn't faster than Sonic! (Shadow fangirls, please don't kill me for saying this, but it's true.) Also, I will be disappearing again August 9-17 and possibly beyond due to more hockey related activities. **

**The poll actually ended in a tie between action and horror, with humor in second and family/friendship in third. Since it's a tie, here's what I'm going to do; I will write both a horror and action story for you guys! The first story will be an action one because it's all ready to go (I should have the first chapter up sometime this week.). I have a few details to work out in the horror though, so that wont be up in a while. (Zombies or demons? I can't decide.)**

**I will try and update this story again soon to make up for the long wait. I have another short thing ready to go. It should hopefully be funny.**

**Speaking of funny, I watched this random video on Youtube today that was pretty funny. It was "Summer of Sonic 2012: Shadow the Hedgehog in Brief". Great stuff.**

**On a somewhat related note, who went to Sonic Boom this year? I wish I could've. And also, who's heard Crush 40's new EP, "Rise Again'? I love it, especially the song "Sonic Youth". Truly some incredible stuff.**

**I'm done rambling now. Please leave a review!**


	8. Dell Commercial

**Disclaimer: Let's just assume I don't own anyone or anything mentioned in this story.**

**Dell Commercial**

Shadow the hedgehog approached the large looming shape of alien warlord, Black Doom. He stopped in front of the Black Arms leader.

"Shadow," Black Doom greeted, "Now that you've collected all of the Chaos Emeralds, annihilation for this planet is near. It is time to embrace the dawn of demise and despair."

"I got the emeralds; now tell me, just who am I?" Shadow questioned the alien.

"Right." Black Doom pulled out a small computer and cleared his throat. "Shadow, you are… dang it."

"What?"

Black Doom looked up from the computer screen. "My computer crashed. I had a huge speech typed up and everything."

Shadow face palmed. "That's what you get for buying cheap crap like that."

"I'm on a budget. Conquering worlds is quite costly." Black Doom continued to pound on the keyboard. "Why won't this work?"

"You should by the new Dell XPS 14 UltrabookTM." Shadow told the alien, "It wouldn't crash as easily."

"Yes, or maybe one of those fancy MacBook Pros."

Shadow sighed. "Can you at least tell me a basic version of who I am?"

"About that, my memory is a little foggy and…"

"You have absolutely no idea who I am." Shadow finished. Black Doom nodded.

"That's it! You're going straight to Dell!"

_(This is the part where the nerdy computer guy talks in more detail about the laptop and why it's so great, and then the Dell logo pops up and the commercial ends. __ So basically, this is the part no one pays attention to. I won't bore you with it.)_

* * *

**Me: If you bent your knees more you'd get a more powerful push and a longer stride so you could get going faster! And if you swung your arms back and forth instead of side to side you wouls help propel yourself forwards instead of loosing momentum to the sides!**

**Shadow: There is nothing wrong with my skating! I can already move at the speed of sound!**

**Me: But if you bent your knees, you could move at the speed of light _and_ beat Sonic at the same time.**

**Shadow: If I was moving at the speed of light, I wouldn't be able to see where I was going.**

**Me: A small price to pay for victory!**

**Thanks for reading! I know it was short but, oh well! I actually wrote this right before a small music jam thingy that my two grandpas and some friends put on. It was pretty good, we had some laughs too. (mainly because one of the guys forgot some of the lyrics so they did a bit of freestyle.)**

**The commercial idea came to me shortly after making the other commercial for last chapter. One quick question, did anyone else see Sonic in the Progressive ad a while ago? I did. It was pretty cool to see Sonic in an actual commercial. I'm also a huge fan of Progressive commercials. "_No mas pantalones."_**

**Since this was so short, I'm going to respond to some reviews.**

**Lordoftheghostking28: Yeah, I was pretty sure you were one of the people who voted horror. Demon zombies would be interesting...I'm getting an idea! **

**Tamara the Hybridian: Shoot! I just lost the game again! This week has been a bad one for me and the game. More demon and zombie mixes. You guys rock! I think I have a really good idea for a story now thanks to you and Ghostking!**

**BlackSandHeart: Yeah, it's good to be back! And you love hockey too! That's awesome! It really is a fun sport to play. I feel kind pf nad that Sonic and Shadow took advantage of Tails like that but...oh who am I kidding? I would've done the same!**

**Werehog20: Sonic was bound to lose his mind eventually! I mean, look at all the stuff he's gone through! Oh well, a crazy Sonic will make things more interesting!**

**Taria Robotnik: I know! I wish I had a fanny pack. My grandpa has one. He's one of the coolest guys I know! Actually, that story was partially inspired by this one girl in my class who fell in love (not literally) with fanny packs after we got to use them for geocaching. Good times...:)**

**Bluemist45: We don't suffer from insanity, we enjoy every minute of it! Like I said above, a crazy Sonic will make things more interesting. All Sonic needs now is to start wringing his hands and learn to laugh manically and he'll be the picture of crazy!**

**That's all for now! Please leave a review!**


	9. Silence of the Dolls Pt 1

**Disclaimer: Sonic and related characters belong to Nintendo. What, you didn't hear? Nintendo bought out SEGA!...Nah, I'm just kidding. Sonic and co. are sole property of SEGA/Sonic Team.**

**Silence of the Dolls **

_**Part One: An Unexpected Visitor**_

Our story began on a warm sunny day. Everyone was outside enjoying the sun, except for some of the Sonic characters. Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver all sat in the living room at SEGA house playing Call of Duty. Tails watched them. A certain pink hedgehog walked into the room, angry at the boys' laziness.

"You guys should really go outside. It's unhealthy to always stay indoors!" Amy shouted at the boys.

Knuckles shooed Amy with a wave of his hand. "Not now, we're almost finished the mission!"

"Oh crap they saw us! Run away!" Silver furiously pressed buttons on his controller trying to evade bullets. He ended up dying anyway. "Nooooo!"

"C'mon Sonic! Let's go outside and enjoy the sun! It could be like a date!" Amy said cheerfully. Sonic paled but didn't say anything. Amy hardened her tone. "Come outside right now Sonic! It isn't good to stay inside!"

"Gah! Quit nagging me woman!" Sonic kept his eyes plastered to the screen. Amy's eyes narrowed as she pulled out her hammer. Fortunately, before she could wound anyone in the room Blaze showed up.

"Blaze, please help me explain to them that they should go outside." Amy put her hammer away, much to everyone's relief.

Blaze nodded. "It's a beautiful day, perfect for wait is that World at War?"

Sonic grinned. "Yeah." He paused the game and grabbed Knuckles' controller out of his hands, much to the echidna's annoyance. He waved the controller in front of Blaze's face. "Join us! You know you want to."

Blaze grabbed the controller and Sonic resumed the game. Amy face palmed. "You guys are hopeless."

"We are not. Oh no! Someone, quick, revive me!" Silver ended up dying again because, let's face it, Silver sucks at video games.

"The building's on fire!" Sonic shouted. They all glared at Blaze.

"It wasn't me! That tank torched the building!"

"Quick, follow Resnov through the burning building! He'll save us!" Silver began to run through the building but died once again. "What? No fair!"

"Why is it that, instead of exiting the building, we continue to run further inside while it burns and falls apart around us?" Shadow asked. Sonic shook his head.

"You think way too much."

Amy sighed. "I give up! I'll just go enjoy the sunny day by myself."

"Fine by us." Knuckles said, still grumpy that he had gotten his controller stolen.

Amy 'hmphed' before stomping out of the room.

_**-Countless Hours Later-**_

"Yes! One final attack and we win!" Sonic cheered.

Then the power went out. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" they all cried.

"All of our hard work, gone, just like that!" Silver fell to his knees. "Why is the world so cruel?"

Blaze patted Silver on the back. "It's okay Silver, it will all be alright."

Amy walked into the room, soaked from head to toe .

"Whoa, what happened to you?" Sonic asked.

"It was just a nice sunny day and then all of a sudden it started to pour." Amy sat down on the couch between Knuckles and Shadow, who both inched further away from her and her wetness.

"The storm must have tripped a fuse." Tails said.

"What do we do now?" Knuckles asked. They all sat in silence and thought.

Tails snapped his fingers. "We've just got to flip the breaker and the power should come back on! Then we'll be able to finish the game!"

Sonic jumped up. "Great! Let's do it!"

And so Sonic and friends headed down to the basement. Tails opened the fuse box. "One of the fuses has been blown."

"Can you replace it?" Sonic asked impatiently.

"Of course!" Tails pulled a tool box out from who knows where and rummaged around inside of it. "Or not. I don't have any extra fuses!"

The group groaned. "Now what?"

Upstairs, the doorbell rang. "Were we expecting anyone?" Silver asked.

"Not that I know of." Sonic led the group up the stairs to the front door.

Sonic pulled the door open just as lightning flashed in the sky, followed by booming thunder. Everyone jumped backwards, startled by the sight on the porch.

There was a small robotic creature sitting on the front step that bared a striking resemblance to Tails. It was orange and had black eyes. A metal rod stuck out of the creature's head. On the tip of this rod was a small red gem. Everyone let out a collective gasp.

"T-tails Doll?" Sonic choked out.

Tails Doll said nothing, but began to slowly inch towards the group. He raised his hand, something silver glinting dangerously in a flash of lightning.

"He's got a knife! Run!"

Sonic and co. took off into the house, racing through hallways and rooms. They soon found themselves in the kitchen. Silver was gasping for air. "I…think we…lost him." He panted.

"Why is he here? What does he want from us?" asked Knuckles.

Sonic's eyes widened. "Why don't you ask him?"

The group turned and screamed (Well, not Shadow. He doesn't scream. Ever.). Standing there was Tails Doll, holding the knife high above his head, ready to strike.

"RUN!"

Silver led the stampede out of the room. The group charged down into the basement and hid inside the storage room. It was dark in the room, so Blaze conjured up a ball of fire in the palm of her hand to provide some light.

"Alright guys, we need a plan." Sonic said.

Shadow pulled a pistol out of his quills and smirked evilly. "Already got one."

Everyone inched further away from Shadow. He was beginning to scare them more than Tails Doll. Sonic hit the gun out of Shadow's hand. "Okay, we need a different plan, one that doesn't involve Shadow and guns."

Shadow 'hmphed'. "What do you suggest we do then?"

Blaze spoke up. "Well, we could…"

"Uh, guys?" Knuckles interrupted. They all turned to the echidna. "Where's Amy?"

* * *

**Dun Dun Dunnnn! **

**Hey guys! I've been working on this fic for a while. It'll most likely be two or three parts long, though I'm not sure yet.**

**A few chapters back, Lordoftheghostking28 suggested I do a story with Tails Doll. Well, here you go Ghostking! I hope you enjoyed part one!**

**I had fun responding to reviews last chapter, so I'm going to do it again.**

**Tamara the Hybridian: Yeah, I get a lot of inspiration from everyone who reviews my stories! It just means so much to me that you would take the time to share your thoughts. Thank you guys! I love you all (as friends) *wipes a tear away*. Anyway, yes I was refrencing the Shadow the Hedgehog game. It was sort of an 'alternate ending' to the game. And as for the 'language of nerds', I hadn't even realized I did that until you pointed it out! That's kinda funny!**

**Werehog20: I agree, Black Doom is a very big fail. We have Dell computers at school, so I guess I 1-Up'd him as well! Booyeah!**

**Gnat1: Hey! It's nice to see a new reviewer! Thanks a lot! If I remember correctly, you also reviewed for _I Will Remain. _That's awesome!**

**Taria Robotnik: "Find the computer room!". Ok, wrong guy, but same game! You gotta love the classics! (Yes, _Shadow the Hedgehog _is a classic game now.)**

**BlackSandHeart: Yeah, Black Doom can conquer entire worlds but he can't buy a decent computer. What a guy! So, you're a Blues fan? I like the Canucks, so I agree that LA should get crushed! The new season is almost here! Ok, the regular season starts October so we still have to wait about two months, but still. **

**Alright guys, you know the drill! If you're on fire, stop, drop, and roll! Oh, and don't forget to review! **


	10. Silence of the Dolls Pt 2

**Disclaimer: Disclaimers are so boring. Let's spice it up a little!**

***Dancers and acrobats begin to perform amazingly. A stage appears with Crush 40 on it playing an instrumental version of 'Sonic Youth'. Confetti rains from the sky and fireworks are launched, spelling out _Sonic and related characters belong to SEGA. _Everyone cheers.***

**Eh, it'll do for now.**

**Silence of the Dolls**

_**Part Two: Gone**_

Blaze gasped. "Amy's gone!"

Shadow cocked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't we be relieved?"

Everyone glared at Shadow. "She's our friend!" Silver stated. "Sure she's annoying, obsessive, clingy, temperamental, always nagging us, hot-headed…"

"Could you get to the point?" Shadow asked.

"You know, I'm not really sure what my point was." Silver rubbed his chin.

A loud crashing noise came from the main floor. Everyone jumped.

"Uh Tails, I think you spilt some water."

"That wasn't water."

Everyone moved as far away from Tails as the storage room would allow them. "Has anyone thought of a plan yet?" Knuckles asked nervously.

"We should send someone out there to see what's going on." Sonic suggested. "I vote Shadow."

"What!"

"I second that." Silver added.

"Then it's decided. Shadow will go check things out." Sonic began to push the dark hedgehog towards the door, but Shadow was resisting.

"Why do I have to go?" Shadow asked as he braced himself against the doorway. Knuckles joined Sonic in the struggle to get the Ultimate Lifeform out of the room.

"Because frankly, nobody here likes you." Silver stated. Shadow growled.

At this point Sonic and Knuckles managed to get the storage room door open and pushed Shadow out. "Good luck soldier." Sonic saluted Shadow before slamming the door in his face.

Shadow heard the sound of the door locking, then a lot of sliding around, as if they were barricading the door.

Shadow swallowed the lump in his throat. Why should he be scared of a tiny doll? He was the Ultimate Lifeform! He wasn't supposed to be afraid.

Shadow took a look around the basement. There was no sign of Tails Doll. Shadow began to hesitantly walk up the stairs. After a quick search he decided that it was clear enough for everyone to come out of hiding. He walked back down to the basement and stood outside the door to the storage room. "All clear; you guys can come out now. Tails Doll is go-Ahhhhh!"

Everyone burst out of the room only to find a smirking Shadow. "You should have seen your faces. Priceless."

Sonic glared at Shadow. "This is why nobody likes you."

"What should we do now?" asked Tails.

"I guess we should go upstairs and make sure Tails Doll is gone." Sonic continued to glare at Shadow. "Especially since _someone_ isn't a very reliable look out."

Everyone nodded and the group headed up stairs. They searched all over the house but did not see any sign of Tails Doll. Knuckles let out a relieved sigh. "Good, he's finally gone."

"Yeah." Tails swallowed nervously. "But so are Blaze and Silver!"

**VvVvVvV**

"Blaze, I have to use the bathroom."

"Then go."

"I'm too scared to go alone."

Blaze sighed. She and Silver were walking at the back of the group. So far they hadn't found any sign of Tails Doll. "Fine. I'll go with you." She cast a glance at the others ahead of her. "We'll go fast. They won't even know we were gone."

Silver nodded and he and Blaze turned away from the group and headed down the hallway towards the bathroom. Silver stopped abruptly, Blaze crashing into him.

"What now?" she hissed, annoyed.

"I heard something." Silver's ears swiveled. "I think it's coming from the bathroom."

"Let's go check it out." Blaze walked past Silver to the bathroom.

"Yeah, okay." Silver followed Blaze nervously. "On the count of three we open the door."

Blaze nodded. "One, two, three!" Blaze swung the door open.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**VvVvVvV**

"Where are they?" Sonic asked, glancing around the room.

"I don't know. They just disappeared!" Tails exclaimed. His eyes widened. "Just like Amy did!"

"Tails Doll must've done this!" Knuckles balled his hands into fists. "We've got to find him before it's too late."

"Right. Let's split up so we can cover more ground." Tails decided.

Sonic divided the remaining animals into groups. "Shadow and Knuckles take the right side of the house and Tails and I will take the left."

"Why do I have to go with _him?"_ Knuckles asked, shooting a distrustful glare at Shadow.

"Because I don't want to." Sonic explained. Before Knuckles could argue, Sonic and Tails sped off leaving Knuckles and Shadow alone.

Shadow sighed. "Let's just get this over with."

Knuckles nodded. "We can start in the kitchen."

"We already looked there multiple times." Shadow pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm hungry. I want a sandwich."

Shadow face palmed. "You really are hopeless."

Knuckles and Shadow made their way to the kitchen. Knuckles began to rummage through cupboards searching for things to put on his sandwich, all while poorly humming 'Unknown From M.E.'.

Knuckles pulled out a loaf of bread and a butter knife. He then proceeded to open the fridge. His eyes widened. "Shadow, you may want to have a look at this."

**VvVvVvV**

"We've searched everywhere and there's still no sign of Tails Doll!" Sonic stated angrily.

"We haven't even been able to find Amy, Silver, or Blaze." A terrible thought struck Tails. "Do think Tails Doll…?"

Sonic shook his head. "Let's go find Knuckles and Shadow. Maybe they found something."

Sonic began to walk back to where they had last seen Knuckles and Shadow with Tails on his heels. Tails stopped suddenly, his ears swivelling around. Sonic stopped also and looked back at his little bro. "What's wrong?"

"I hear something, like footsteps kind of." His eyes widened. "Sonic. I'd turn around if I was you."

Sonic felt a tap on his shoulder. Slowly he turned around. Standing behind him was none other than Tails Doll. The doll held the knife up.

Sonic and Tails turned and fled down the hall, screaming like little girls. They reached the end of the hall where only a single door stood in the wall. Tails tried the knob. "It's locked!" he shouted, frightened.

"Can't you pick the lock or something?"

"I can try." Tails pulled out a couple of paperclips from who knows where and began to fiddle inside the lock with them.

Sonic watched as Tails Doll got closer. "Can you go any faster?" he asked uneasily.

"I'm doing my best." Tails used the end of the paperclip to lift the last pin. "Got it!"

Tails opened the door and rushed inside, Sonic following. He slammed the door shut right in Tails Doll face and locked it. He then began to barricade the door. Once he was finished, he turned back to Sonic. "We should be safe now." That's when Tails realized Sonic wasn't there.

"Sonic? Sonic, are you in here?" the fox had been sure Sonic was right behind him.

_He's probably just hiding. _Tails thought. _He'll jump out from behind something and scare me, I just know it._

Tails searched all over the room for Sonic. After about ten minutes of searching Tails came to a terrifying conclusion.

Sonic was gone.

* * *

**Uh oh! Sonic's gone now too! What's Tails going to do now? What did Silver and Blaze find in the bathroom? What did Knuckles find in the fridge? Where's Amy? Why am I asking so many questions? Find out in the third and final installment of _Silence of the Dolls!_**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed Part 1:**

**Gnat1: Thanks! Hope you enjoyed Part 2 too! (Ha ha, two too!)**

**Taria Robotnik: Don't worry, Amy isn't going to be diced...yet. :)**

**Werehog20: Yeah no kidding. Tails Doll would be very easy to take down. They kind of suck for not doing it yet. Oh well. I'm not the best at first person shooters, but I have beat COD: World at War. I guess that's saying something! **

**BlackSandHeart: Pfft, no one's gonna miss Amy! Well, I won't! :) Yeah, LA knocked Vancouver out of the playoffs. I was very angry about that. And yet LA is still one of my top 5 favorite teams. Odd.**

**Lordoftheghostking28: I've never seen any of the Chucky movies but this one guy at my school wore a Chucky mask on Halloween which was pretty creepy. I'm not very afraid of dolls, but goatees freak me out (don't ask.). I actually had to do research on Tails Doll 'cause I had no idea who it was. Well, I know now! Yeah, I sure hope Amy is dead. I never liked her.**

**Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a review!**


	11. Silence of the Dolls Pt 3

**Disclaimer: (To the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb")**

**SEGA owns a blue hedgehog/ blue hedgehog/ blue hedgehog**

**SEGA owns a blue hedgehog whose name is Sonic**

**All char's relating to Sonic/ to Sonic/ to Sonic**

**All char's relating to Sonic belong to SEGA!**

**Silence of the Dolls**

_Part 3: The End (Yeah, it's a pretty creative title.)_

Tails took a few deep breaths to calm himself. _It's alright. You'll be okay. Just stay calm. Ask yourself, what would Sonic do? _He soothed himself. He decided the best thing to do was assess the situation at hand.

"Alright, Amy, Silver, Blaze, and Sonic are gone. Shadow and Knuckles are over at the other side of the house and probably wouldn't be able to hear me if I screamed. I'm trapped in this room with no windows to climb out of. The only door in the room is barricaded with the bad guy standing right outside." Tails stopped as he heard a thumping sound coming from the door. "And now Tails Doll is trying to break the door down."

Tails decided there was only one thing he could do at this point. He had to be a man (er, fox) and face Tails Doll head on.

But of course, he did the exact opposite.

"Heeelp! Somebody help me! Whaaaaahhh!" Tails cried out.

He ran around the room crazily while crying and swinging his arms in the air. He only stopped when he noticed the door had opened a crack. Tails knew it was only a matter of time before Tails Doll got the door open.

Tails watched as the crack got bigger. And it got bigger. Tails swallowed the lump in his throat. The crack widened enough that Tails Doll managed to slip through it. Tails got into a fighting stance. _If I'm going to die I'm going to die fighting._ Tails Doll shuffled across the floor towards Tails. Tails felt himself tremble as Tails Doll got closer. The doll stopped a foot away from Tails. The knife glinted dangerously in his hand. Finding he no longer had the bravery to fight, Tails braced himself as Tails Doll raised the knife.

**VvVvVvV**

"Aaaaaahhhhh!"

"Aaaaaahhhhh!"

"Eggman?" Silver gasped.

"Silver? Blaze? How dare you barge in on me! It's rude, it's disgusting, it's…"

Blaze shielded her eyes. "Please put some clothes on."

Eggman blushed before wrapping a towel around his waist. "Now, why are you here?"

"We were looking for Tails Doll when Silver had to use the bathroom. We were walking and we heard a horrible noise coming from the bathroom and we thought it might be Tails Doll so we opened the door, but we only found you, showering." Blaze explained.

A thought came to Silver. "Hey, Eggman, do you sing in the shower?"

Eggman's blush deepened. "Maybe."

Silver snapped his fingers. "That was what the horrible noise was!"

"Hey!"

Blaze shook her head. "We should probably get back to the others. They might be wondering where we are."

Silver nodded. "Alright, let's go."

They took off down the hallway when Silver stopped suddenly. "Did you just hear a little girl scream?"

"Yes." Blaze said as she glanced around. Her eyes widened. "Maybe it was Amy!"

"That's what I was thinking." Silver looked at Blaze seriously. "We have to hurry. Who knows what could be happening to her right now!"

Blaze gave a curt nod, and then the two animals took off down the hallway towards the scream.

**VvVvVvV**

"I…It can't be!" Shadow's eyes were wide with horror.

"I couldn't believe it either. It's…it's quite gruesome." Knuckles turned his eyes away from the fridge.

Shadow fell to his knees in front of the refrigerator. "It can't be!" he repeated.

Knuckles shook his head. "I wish it wasn't, but it is. The proof is in the pudding."

The proof literally was in the pudding. Submerged in a giant bowl of chocolate pudding was a Desert Eagle. But this wasn't just _any _Desert Eagle; it was _Shadow's _Desert Eagle.

Carefully the dark hedgehog pulled the pistol out of the pudding. "No! My poor baby! Speak to me! Who did this to you!" he pressed his ear against the gun's chamber. His eyes narrowed. "What's that? It was _Sonic?_ That faker is so dead!"

Knuckles wasn't sure whether he should be worried about Shadow or to laugh at him. He decided on the latter and erupted in a bout of hearty laughter. "Dude, seriously? It's just a gun!"

Shadow turned an icy glare on Knuckles. "_Just a gun?_ This is the very same gun that helped me defeat the Black Arms. This gun killed many aliens and soldiers alike, and it can kill you if that be your decision."

Knuckles gulped. Shadow smirked. "Is it still _just a gun?"_

"No."

Knuckles watched as Shadow began to wipe pudding off of his gun. He took the gun apart and began to clean each individual piece. Knuckles cleared his throat. "If it isn't too much of a bother, there's an evil doll with a knife on the loose. Do you think you could help us find him?"

Shadow sighed. "Fine." He stood up and began to leave the room, but not before he cast a saddened glance at his dismantled gun. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be back soon, I promise."

Shadow turned and left the room. Knuckles stayed where he was for a moment, an odd look on his face. Finally he shook his head and took off after Shadow.

**VvVvVvV**

Tails Doll raised the knife high above his head and…

…handed the knife to Tails.

Confused, Tails slowly took the knife in his hands only to find that it wasn't a knife; it was a fuse! Tails looked from Tails Doll to the fuse, then back to Tails Doll. An explanation slowly formed in the fox's mind. "You knew I needed a new fuse, so you brought me one." Tails guessed. Tails Doll nodded.

Tails played with the fuse in his hands, unsure of what he should say. Eventually he decided the least he could do was apologize for running away and thank him for the fuse. He took a deep breath. "Tails Doll, I'm sorry we assumed you were a knife wielding psychopath. And thanks-"

"Don't worry! I'll save you little girl!"

Tails' apology was cut short as a silver-white hedgehog and a lavender cat burst into the room. Silver looked around the room, confused. "I thought I heard a little girl scream."

"Maybe it was Amy?" Tails suggested. Silver shook his head.

"No, I'm sure it came from this room, and Amy isn't here." An idea came to Silver. "Say Tails, did you hear someone calling for help?"

Red crept to the fox's cheeks. "No."

Silver turned to Blaze and smirked. "The scream we heard, it was just Tails."

Tails' cheeks were flushed a brighter red. "Was not." He said embarrassedly.

"Of course not." Silver replied sarcastically. Before Tails could defend himself a red echidna and a black hedgehog entered the room.

"There you guys are!" Knuckles said as he and Shadow came to stand beside Silver. "We thought Tails Doll may have killed you!"

"Speaking of which," Shadow's eyes narrowed as they settled on the robotic doll. "Why haven't you finished him off yet?"

Tails took up a defensive position in front of Tails Doll. "Don't touch him! He didn't mean to scare us!"

"Then why did he come after us with a knife?"

"It wasn't actually a knife." Tails showed everyone the fuse in his hand. "He was only trying to give me this fuse so we could turn the power back on."

Everyone nodded their heads in understanding. Knuckles smirked. "Now that that's all cleared up, let's change the fuse and beat the game!"

"Yeah!" Silver cheered, pumping his fist in the air.

All the animals filed out of the room, Tails being the last one out. _I can't help but think we've forgotten something. _Tails stopped abruptly, his eyes widening. "SONIC!"

**VvVvVvV**

"Now, who's the prettiest girl in the world?"

"You are."

"You're going to have to better than that if you want me to let you go!"

Sonic sat bound to a wooden chair by multiple ropes. In front of him stood Amy, her Piko Piko hammer at the ready. Sonic sighed irritably. "Just let me go!"

Amy smiled sweetly. "Not until you admit that I'm the prettiest girl!" Amy's smile turned completely evil. "Now, SAY IT!"

"Amy, you are by far the prettiest girl in the world." Sonic said. "_Not." _

Amy glared daggers at Sonic. Then, her face turned sickeningly sweet. She raised her hammer.

Sonic laughed nervously. "Uh, I was just kidding, Ames. You really are the prettiest. Amy, please put the hammer down. I'm sorry."

"It's too late for that, Sonikku."

"No, please! Don't do this! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

**-The End-**

* * *

**Alright! Sorry about disappearing for forever. I was busy with things and then I got sick with a cold. I still can't breathe due to my nose being very congested but hey, who needs to breathe?**

**I hope you guys all enjoyed the last chapter. In other news, this story has gotten over 50 reviews! I want to thank everyone who reviewed this story. It really does mean a lot to me!**

**Gnat1: Those were good guesses, unfortunately both were wrong. Oh well! Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed reading part 3.**

**Bluemist45: I'm not 100% sure what Tails Doll is. He's like a robotic doll that Eggman made or something like that. I actually had to do a bit of research to write this fic. I wasn't really sure if he could speak either so I just kept him silent, but who knows? Maybe he does say that.**

**BlackSandHeart: You better tell your mom that some random person on FanFiction thinks she's awesome for liking the Canucks! Maybe she'll only be slightly creeped out. My top three fave characters are Shadow, Silver, and Espio so it sucked to have to get rid of both hedgehogs. Oh well! At least they're okay! You've had some amazing disclaimers on your stories as well. Oh, before I forget. Congratulations! You submitted this story's 50th review! You get whatever flavor cake you want! (but not really)**

**Tamara the Hybridian: Nice goin' getting banned from the computer! What did you do? Anyway, I love leaving my readers in suspense. I hope this chapter did it's job in explaining what happened to everyone. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Lordoftheghostking28: Were you right about what was in the bathroom? Oh no! You almost missed last chapter! That would've been tragic! Great work waking your bros up. I'm sure they appreciated that. Yep, nobody likes Shadow, except for his many fangirls. So basically, no one important...I am so going to get murdered in my sleep tonight.**

**Mr. Sandvich: Aw, your review made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's really one of the best you've read? That really means a lot to me. If you do chose to write those one-shots, I'll definitely read them. Just let me know when they're posted!**

**All right guys. Go ahead and review if you want!**


	12. A Baker's Story: The Audition

**Disclaimer: The character Xsus belongs to BlackSandHeart. The character Aj belongs to Aj the human. All other characters belong to SEGA. _A Bug's Life _belongs to its respective owner.**

**A Baker's Life**

_**Part 1: The Audition**_

"Everyone, can I have your attention please?" shouted a green crocodile standing at the front of a small room. This room was filled with tens of Mobian creatures. Each one of these creatures ignored the crocodile and continued gossiping.

"Can I please have your attention?" the crocodile tried again. Once again, no one paid him any attention. The crocodile turned to a purple chameleon beside him. "Espio, a little help here."

"I trained to be a master of stealth. How am I supposed to get everyone's attention when I only know silence?" the chameleon, Espio, asked the crocodile. The crocodile glared at him.

"Ooh! Vector, can I try?" a young bee flew up and clung to the crocodile's snout. "Please?"

The crocodile, Vector, sighed and pulled the young bee off of his face. "Go ahead Charmy, but I seriously doubt that-"

"HEY! EVERYONE LISTEN TO VECTOR!" shouted Charmy. Everyone in the room immediately fell silent and turned their attention to the front of the room.

"Huh, look at that." Vector cleared his throat. "Thank you all for coming. Today we will be holding the auditions to my new play, _A Baker's Life_, the play that I wrote. What will happen is…"

A blue hedgehog raised his hand, causing Vector to stop his speech. "Yes, Sonic?"

"You wrote a play? Is it going to be like _A Bug's Life_?" asked Sonic.

Vector sighed. "I wrote the play because I need some quick cash and I had nothing better to do. No, it isn't like _A Bug's Life. _Continuing on, everyone will line up outside the office here," he gestured to a door just behind him, "and we will call you in one by one. After auditions are over you will receive a call telling you whether or not you made the cut. Are there any questions?"

Everyone in the room raised their hands. Vector sighed. "Maybe we will skip the questions and just move straight to the auditions."

Everyone nodded and lined up outside the office. Vector, Espio, and Charmy entered he office and sat down at the single desk in the room. There were only two chairs so Charmy ended up sitting on Vector's head, much to the crocodile's annoyance. "Alright, let's begin."

The first Mobian to audition was a female pink hedgehog. She was wearing a red dress and a matching red headband.

"Hello, and what is your name?" Vector asked the pink hedgehog.

"Um, Vector, you guys already know me." The pink hedgehog pointed out.

"Sorry, doesn't ring a bell. Name please."

The pink hedgehog sighed. "Fine. I'm Amy Rose and I'll be auditioning for the part of Butterscotch."

"Ok, Miss Rose. You may begin."

Amy took a deep breath and began her audition. "Oh, Rotcev, now that you've become a huge success, I've fallen inexplicably in love with you! Will you please-"

"Alright, you can stop now." Vector interrupted. "We've seen enough."

"What do you mean by that?"

"NEXT!"

Amy glared at Vector before turning and stomping out of the room. Next entered a human girl. She looked to be around fifteen years old and wore a black shirt with a red jacket over top. She also wore blue jeans and sneakers that looked identical to Sonic's. She had black hair which she wore in a ponytail. "Hi! I'm Aj the Human and-"

"I'm sorry, but this audition is for Mobians only." Vector told the girl.

Aj frowned. "Well, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog's twin sister. Does that count?"

"Unfortunately, no." Another thought came to Vector. "How can you be Sonic's twin sister?"

"It's complicated."

"Uh huh." Vector shuffled the papers on the desk before looking up at Aj. "You're going to have to leave now. We have to keep the line moving."

"But I'm a great actress! Watch!" Aj cleared her throat. "To be or not to be, that is the quest-"

"NEXT!"

"You sir, do not know talent when you see it." With that Aj spun on her heel and left the room angrily.

The next Mobian to enter the room was a blue hedgehog. He flashed Vector a huge grin. "I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"Alright Sonic, which part will you be auditioning for?" Vector asked the hedgehog.

"I will be auditioning for the part of Rotcev the Alligator." Sonic cleared his throat then began to speak in an overly dramatic voice, using hand gestures to further emphasize his words. "Oh, how can this be? We are all out of baker's yeast! How am I supposed to make bread without yeast! Oh woe, woe is me."

Sonic bowed to the three judges. "How was that?"

Vector, Espio, and Charmy's eyes had all widened in what can only be assumed as horror. When Vector finally found his voice he managed to choke out, "NEXT!"

Sonic looked at them, confused, before shrugging and exiting the room.

Espio sighed. "This is going to be a long day."

Many hours passed. Many Mobians came to audition. Now the auditions were almost over. Vector and Espio looked as if they were about to die, while Charmy seemed to be perfectly happy. Vector took a deep breath and called out in a shaky voice, "Next!"

"No! I don't want to audition!"

"But you have too!"

The sounds of fighting came from outside the room. Eventually two hedgehogs entered the room; one was blue while the other was black and red. The blue hedgehog could be easily identified as Sonic while the black hedgehog was obviously Shadow. Sonic appeared to have dragged Shadow into the room.

"He's going to audition for the part of Rotcev!" Sonic announced.

"No I'm not." Shadow began to leave the room.

Vector's eyes widened. "Wait!"

Shadow stopped. "What?"

"You're…you're…perfect!" Vector declared. Shadow shrunk back looking slightly afraid.

Vector turned to Espio. "Just look at him! The perfectly angled quills, the manly chest fur! He practically sweats awesome!"

"That's just…disgusting." Espio said. Vector ignored him.

"I've made up my mind!" Vector turned back to Shadow. "You get the part!"

Shadow quickly reached back into his quills and pulled out a green chaos emerald. "Chaos Control!" With that, Shadow vanished.

Vector smiled. "Look at that! He was so excited he had to go hurry and tell everyone!"

Espio face palmed. "I don't think that was excitement."

The room grew quiet. The silence soon became very awkward. Sonic cleared his throat. "Would you like to see my audition again?"

Everyone's eyes widened in horror. "NEXT!"

Sonic frowned and left the room as another human entered the room. They wore a very familiar black shirt with red jacket over top and blue jeans. Their black hair was still worn in a ponytail and sneakers identical to Sonic's were on their feet. The only thing different about this human was that they wore a fake bushy moustache.

"Aj! I thought we told you to leave!" Vector shouted exasperated.

"Who iz thiz 'Aj' you zpeak ov?" the human who was obviously Aj said in a terrible French accent. "I am Pierre!"

"No, you're not." Vector walked over to Aj and tore the fake moustache off of her lip. She smiled sheepishly before turning and running out of the room.

Vector returned to his seat behind the desk as a golden-furred cat entered the room. He had ocean blue eyes and ears the size of maple leaves. Vector recognized him immediately. "Xsus? What are you doing here?"

Xsus grinned big. "Nothing was happening in our dimension so Xerius said it was okay if I came to your guys' dimension! I heard you were putting on a play!"

"Ok, let's see what you got." Vector looked up at Xsus.

Xsus opened his mind to speak but Vector cut him off. "You know what? You've got the part!"

Espio gave Vector a long look. "But he hasn't said anything."

"Yeah, but he has a certain cute aspect. He'll attract a larger audience." Vector explained.

"Sweet!" Xsus' grin widened. "I have to go tell Xerius!"

The young cat skipped happily out of the room. Vector sighed. "He is so cute."

Espio gave Vector a funny look. Vector frowned. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Ok then." Vector looked down at the papers sitting on the desk. "We only have one Mobian left to audition then we're done here."

Again, a human girl walked into the room. She was still wearing the fake moustache and her hair was in a ponytail, but this time she was wearing a red shirt underneath a black jacket. Vector face palmed. "Aj, we know it's you."

"But I am not 'Aj'. I am Jose." The girl said in a Spanish accent that was even worse than her French one.

"We still know it's you. Changing your clothes doesn't make you a different person."

"I am not 'Aj'! I don't know who that is!" The girl said again.

Vector sighed and walked over to the girl. He reached out and tried to rip the moustache off, only it didn't budge. "Huh, what kind of glue did you use?"

At that moment Aj the human poked her head into the room. "Uh, Vector? What are you doing?"

Vector looked over at Aj, then back to the other human. He smiled sheepishly and released her moustache. The girl who called herself 'Jose' slapped Vector hard across the face before turning and storming out of the room. "Sorry miss!" Vector called after her.

Aj walked into the room and made a tsk noise. "Real smooth, Vector." she said to the embarrassed crocodile. A creepy smile appeared on her face. "Since I'm here…"

"No. Leave." Vector glared at her. She sighed dejectedly before leaving the room.

"Are the auditions over now?" Espio asked.

"Yes, the auditions are thankfully over."

* * *

**Alright! Part 1 is complete! I hope you enjoyed it! **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You guys get cake! (It was my bro's birthday yesterday so I have cake on the brain.)**

**Special thanks to BlackSandHeart and Aj the human for allowing me to use their OC's. You guys should go check out some of their stories, they are pretty good!**

**I have some slightly sad news. After _A Baker's Life _is completed I will be puttingthis story on hold for a while. I am going to put all of my focus on _I Will Remain_ since it is coming along really well. I promise I will resume posting short stories after that story is finished. I still have plenty of ideas!**

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!**


	13. A Baker's Story: Practice Makes That

**Disclaimer: Xsus belongs to BlackSandHeart. Aj belongs to Aj the human. Sam belongs to ShadowandMadonna. Lisa belongs to Bluemist45. Aeris belongs to me. All other characters belong to SEGA. The song _I Am...All of Me _belongs to Crush 40 who belongs to themselves. The parodied lyrics belong to me. Ok, time to start the story!**

**A Baker's Life**

_**Part 2: Practice Makes…Whatever That Is**_

**Rehearsals Day 1:**

Vector released an exasperated sigh. "Where is he?"

The crocodile was currently standing at the front of a mid-sized auditorium. To his right sat a purple chameleon, his legs crossed and his eyes closed in deep meditation. Above Vector a small bee buzzed annoyingly. Surrounding the trio was a group of other Mobians all shifting impatiently.

The chameleon, Espio, opened one eye and peered at Vector. "Be patient. He will come when he comes."

"Ha, fat chance of that!" commented Charmy. The bee landed on Vectors snout. "Face it, Vector. The guy's not showing up!"

"Get off me!" Vector swatted Charmy from his nose. "He'll show. I just know he will."

The huge double doors to the auditorium swung open and a dark violet cat entered, dragging Shadow the Hedgehog behind her. The cat wore a Ninjago shirt and black shorts with red stripes on them. She also had on a Star Wars hat and Harry Potter shoes. The cat wore her hair in a ponytail that stuck out from underneath her hat, held in place by a black band.

"Come on, Shadow! Acting is fun!" the cat was saying.

"No way, Sam! Let me go!" Shadow growled angrily.

The cat, Sam, ignored the fuming hedgehog and called out to Vector, "Hey, Vector! I found Shadow!"

Vector chuckled. "Well, look what the cat dragged in!"

Everyone sweat dropped while Vector continued to laugh at his joke. Vector's laughter ended awkwardly and he cleared his throat. "Now that we're all here, let's start practicing!"

Espio handed out scripts to all the Mobians. They flipped their scripts open and took their places on stage.

Vector stood in front of the stage and shouted through a large bullhorn, "ACTION!"

Shadow sighed and muttered something under his breath before beginning to read the lines in a very monotone voice. "Wow, I can't believe my dreams of finally opening a bakery have finally come true. This is going to be grea- I can't do this!"

Shadow threw his script on the ground and stormed angrily out of the auditorium. Vector sighed. "Great, our lead actor just left. Now what?"

"Oh! I have an idea!" everyone's favorite blue hedgehog rushed to center stage. "I can play Shadow playing Rotcev!"

Vector shook his head and sighed. "Fine, go ahead."

Sonic cleared his throat, and then began reading the lines in a deep, monotone voice. "Wow, I can't believe my dreams of finally opening a bakery have finally come true. This is going to be grea- I can't do this!"

Sonic threw the script to the ground and stormed off the stage. Vector face palmed. "And sadly, that was very accurate."

Sonic bowed as everyone erupted into cheers and applause. Vector silenced them. "Alright! Everyone take five while we decide what we'll do next!"

The Mobians dispersed to different areas of the stage. Vector turned to Espio. "Well Espio, what do we do now?"

"We could check on how things are going backstage."

"Great idea! Hey Aeris, how's everything going with the lights?" Vector called out to backstage.

A dark brown alpaca wearing a tattered red scarf and giant goggles poked his head out from the stage curtains and gave Vector a thumbs up. A huge crash was heard coming from behind him. Aeris retreated behind the curtains, then stuck his head back out and gave Vector a thumbs down.

Vector groaned as Espio shook his head. "I think we should call it a day."

**Rehearsals Day 2:**

Vector entered the auditorium and was surprised to see that everyone had already arrived. He quickly got everyone in their positions so they could start rehearsals. "Alright everyone, let's start with scene two where Rotcev meets Butterscotch for the first time. And, action!"

Rouge the Bat, who was playing Butterscotch, entered the stage. "My, what a lovely bakery! I wonder who the owner is."

A very reluctant Shadow began to say his lines, still using his signature monotone voice. "Hello my dear lady. Is there any way I could brighten your day with- who the hell…ck talks like this?"

Vector face palmed. "Just say the line Shadow. And no swearing on set."

"I didn't swear."

Vector ignored him. "Action!"

Rouge began to speak again. "My, how charming and generous you are! I'd love to try one of the pastries!"

"Mumbling shyly; well I wouldn't-"

"Shadow!" Vector interrupted.

"What?" the hedgehog asked impatiently.

"You're not supposed to say the things written between parenthesis!"

Shadow crossed his arms over his chest. "Then why is it written down?"

"To direct you on how to say the line!" Vector tried to explain.

"Shouldn't _you_ be the one to direct me? You are the _director_ after all."

"I give up!" Vector shouted. "Everyone take five!"

The Mobians all exited the stage as Vector began to rub his temples. Espio handed him a mug full of steaming tea. "It's made from special herbs and spices to help calm you." Espio told the crocodile as Vector accepted the tea.

"Thanks. Directing is a lot harder than I thought it'd be." Vector took a sip of his tea. "Someone needs to knock some sense into Shadow."

A light bulb appeared above Vector's head along with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Espio shook his head. "No."

"Aw come on Espio. Nothing too fancy, just a really big rock…"

"Absolutely not."

Vector sighed. "Fine. Let's just get back to rehearsals then."

Vector was about to call everyone back to the stage when the auditorium doors flew open and a female hedgehog with cyan fur and golden eyes entered. She wore a green tie-die shirt and gray sweat pants. Her gloves were a yellowish color and had a gray star on them. She also wore turquoise boots with a gray stone. Four of the hedgehog's quills fell over her eyes while three others fell from the back of her head. The hedgehog quickly manoeuvered around the rows of seats lining the far wall in search of something. Vector's eyes widened when he saw her. "She…she's perfect!"

Espio gave him a confused look. "What?"

"That hedgehog would be perfect to play the female lead in my play!"

"But I thought you wanted Rouge to play the lead."

Vector shrugged. "Eh, I was never a fan of 'Shadouge' anyway."

"Shadwho?"

Vector ignored the utterly confused chameleon and called out to the hedgehog. "Excuse me miss, what's your name?"

The girl's eyes widened in fright and she slowly began backing far away from Vector. Her mouth moved slightly but no sound could be heard. Vector walked towards her. "What was that?"

"Lisa. M-my name is L-Lisa."

"Well Lisa, today's your lucky day! How would you like to play the female lead in my play?" Vector asked boisterously as he held out his hand to her.

Lisa let out a frightened yelp before dashing out of the auditorium. Espio came and stood beside Vector. "Why is it that all of your lead actors run away in fear?"

"It's not fear Espio, its excitement!"

"Whatever stops the tears."

**Rehearsals Day 3:**

"Alright guys! Today we're going to focus on scene six. This is the big emotional scene where Rotcev discovers he doesn't have any yeast left." Vector shouted to the group of Mobians. "Shadow, you'll be in that closet looking-"

"Closet? What closet?" Espio interrupted.

"Ya know, the closet in the kitchen that usually stores canned foods." Vector gestured over to a small room whose walls were lined with shelves of prop food. "That closet."

"That's a pantry."

"No, it's the closet."

"Pantry."

Vector growled. "Are you the director? No, I am, and I call it a closet, so it's a closet."

Sam walked over to the quarreling animals. "What's the problem?"

"Tell Espio that that room over there is called a closet, not a pantry."

Sam sighed. "Yes, Vector. That room over there is called a closet." Her voice dripped sarcasm.

Vector didn't notice the sarcasm however. He smiled. "Thanks Sam."

Vector walked away and began shouting orders to the rest of the actors. When he was out of earshot, Sam chuckled. "That room is so not a closet."

Espio shook his head. "That's what I said."

Sam and Espio rejoined the rest of the Mobians at the stage just as Vector shouted, "Action!"

"I'm almost finished making this bread." Shadow droned, sounding very bored. "All I need now is yeast." The ebony hedgehog walked into the 'closet'.

"Yes! Great!" Vector cheered. "Now, Shadow comes out of the closet…"

"OHMYGOSH!" shouted Charmy. He flew over to where Shadow was. "Shadow, does this mean all those 'Sonadow' stories are true?"

"Sonadow? What…oh." A look of pure horror painted itself on the faces of both Shadow and Sonic.

Vector face palmed. "Wrong closet, Charmy."

Xsus walked over to the blue hedgehog and waved a hand in front of Sonic's face. When Sonic didn't react he walked over to Shadow and did the same. Shadow also didn't move. "Guys, I think they're broken."

"We'll have to end rehearsals early today then." Vector said with a sigh.

As all the Mobians filed out of the auditorium (Sonic and Shadow having to be dragged out.), Espio looked over at Vector. "Can we call it a pantry now?"

"Yes, we'll call it a pantry."

**Countless Painstaking Weeks Later:**

It was finally show time. Vector paced nervously back and forth backstage while Espio tried to calm him. "Have faith in the actors, Vector. Everything will be fine."

"No it won't! They can't do it! We're not ready! We need more time to practice! Maybe another month…" Vector continued to ramble on for a moment before shaking his head. "We have to cancel the show!"

"I think it's a little late for that." Espio said as he stuck his head out of the curtains. "Come look."

Vector poked his head out from the curtains and his jaw immediately dropped to the floor. The auditorium was full of Mobians; not a seat was left open. Vector pulled his head back through the curtains. "Oh boy, this is bad!"

"It will all turn out, Vector." Espio soothed.

"You better be right."

Espio and Vector took up their places at the edge of the stage while the actors took up their ready positions. "Here goes nothing." Vector mumbled. He signalled across the stage to Aeris who nodded and began to pull on a large rope, opening the curtains. The audience grew quiet as they waited for the show to begin.

"Wow, I can't believe my dreams of finally opening a bakery have finally come true. This is going to be great." Shadow started. "Oh look, here comes some customers now."

Xsus and Sam entered the stage. "Hello there, good baker. Could my son here have a muffin?" Sam asked, gesturing to Xsus.

Shadow nodded. "Of course."

Shadow handed a muffin to Xsus but the muffin fell through the young cat's hands and fell to the floor. The audience began to laugh as Xsus sheepishly picked the muffin back up. Vector groaned and pulled a brown paper bag over his head. His long snout tore through the paper. Espio sighed. "This could be a long day."

**Many Scenes Later…**

Vector couldn't help but feel relieved. The play was nearing its final scenes. The play so far had been filled with bad acting and horrible blunders. All that was left in the play now was a short musical number and the big finale; the very original, cliché kiss. He hoped the actors could make it through.

"Just remember everyone, if you're ever feeling hungry, come into my bakery." Shadow said, making the line way more dramatic than it actually was.

Music started playing, sounding very similar to the Crush 40 song, _I Am…All of Me. _The entire cast filed onto the stage and began singing;

"_Are you feeling hungry?_

_Come into my bakery_

_Step inside and order yourself pie_

_Did you just buy a quiche?_

_Well, that is alright with me_

_Oh I'm a man who owns a bakery"_

The music ended as Lisa walked over to Shadow. "Wow, Rotcev. Your bakery is so amazing!"

"Yes, yes it is."

The two hedgehogs stood there in an awkward silence. Vector began biting his nails. Would they do the scene?

Someone in the audience chose that time to shout, "Just kiss her already!"

Shadow glared out into the audience before turning back to Lisa. _Yes! Yes! _Vector cheered in his mind.

Shadow and Lisa leaned towards each other, the space between them closing fast. Shadow stopped suddenly. His mouth moved, though no one could hear what he said. Lisa clapped her hands over her mouth before running off stage. Shadow smirked before turning to the audience and bowing. The curtains began to close, yet the audience remained silent.

_Oh no. _Vector was on the verge of panic. Nobody liked the play! The crocodile began to hyperventilate, and then fainted. Everyone rushed over to their fallen director and tried to wake him up.

Meanwhile the audience sat in silence. A single member of the audience stood up; a teenage girl that could be easily recognized as Aj. She began to clap, very slowly. Soon more and more members of the audience stood and joined in the clap, until everyone was standing and giving the actors a thunderous applause.

The noise woke up Vector. "What…what is that noise?"

"Applause! People are clapping! They liked it!"

The cast all rushed out onto the stage and began to bask in the praise. It seemed the play was a success after all.

**VvVvVvV**

Later that evening, after the audience had left, the cast sat around backstage cleaning everything up. Vector walked over to where Espio was still picking up various flowers that had been thrown onto the stage. "You were right, Espio. Everything did turn out."

"Yes. You just had to have faith."

"I guess." Vector rubbed the back of his head. "At first I thought everything was going to end in disaster…"

"Not surprising, considering how everything else in your life ends in disaster." Espio put his armful of roses on a table before continuing picking up the flowers. There were a lot of them.

"Just what do you mean by that?" Vector asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Vector gave Espio a blank look. Espio sighed. "This play was just a metaphor of your life, and a poor metaphor at that."

"No it wasn't!"

"Vector, your play was about a guy who opens his own business with the help of his two close friends, one who is a ninja and one who is just plain crazy! The main character also falls madly in love with a woman who is way out of his league."

"She is not out of my league!"

"Also, 'Rotcev' is just 'Vector' spelled backwards, and 'Butterscotch' is obviously Vanilla." Espio finished.

"Nope. You're wrong Espio." Vector began to walk away, still mumbling to himself. "Yeah, this play is nothing like my life! I think Espio is going a little crazy."

Espio sighed and shook his head. Having finally finished cleaning up all the flowers, Espio walked over to where all the actors, excluding Lisa, were standing. Espio reached the group just as Sonic looked over at Shadow and asked, "Say Shadow, what did you tell Lisa during the last scene?"

The dark hedgehog shrugged. "Nothing really. I only informed her that she had broccoli in her teeth."

Everyone burst into laughter.

**The End!**

* * *

**Yeah! I'm not dead! FYI, that's what I say everyday I wake up in the morning. I'm very optimistic! (Not really.) ANyway, I'm very, very, very, very sorry for the long delay. I was doing stuff. To show how sorry I am, I'm going to say it in a bunch of different languages; **

**French: Je suis très, très, très désolé.**

**Spanish: Estoy muy, muy, muy triste.**

**Latin: Curabitur ipsum ipsum, dolebat.**

**German: Ich bin sehr, sehr, sehr leid.**

**Estonian: Ma olen väga, väga, väga kahju.**

**Czech: Jsem velmi, velmi, velmi líto.**

**Ok, if any of those translations are wrong, I'm sorry. I used Google to translate it all. Not: I don't own Google either.**

**Leave a review and forgive this horrible author for disappearing!**


	14. Have It Your Way!

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to SEGA. I don't own them, and I alos don't own any of the restaurants mentioned in this fic.**

**This story is brought to you by Gnat1.**

**Have It Your Way!**

It was that time of year again. No, not Christmas, silly, it was Sonic's annual everyday chilidog run. The blue hedgehog sped through town, somehow managing to not run into a single pedestrian (though cyclists were another story). Finally he arrived at his destination; a world renowned fast food restaurant, McDonalds.

Sonic pushed open the door and was immediately greeted by the savory aroma of hot grease and sweat. Taking a deep breath as to not waste this smell, Sonic strode into the restaurant and lined up behind the cash register.

"Welcome to McDona…oh it's _you"_

Sonic's eyes widened. "Hey it's, uh, Inferior Purr'Lot Tix."

"You imbecile! I am Imperator Pir'Oth Ix!" the white echidna growled.

Sonic waved his finger at Ix and in a scolding tone said, "Nuh uh, the customer is always right." Ix began fuming at this comment, but didn't say anything. A new thought dawned on Sonic. "Say, why are you working here, at McDonalds of all places? Shouldn't you be trapped in the…uh…Twilight Zone or something?"

"The _Twilight Cage, _not _Zone._" Ix corrected, though not at all politely.

"Aw cool! Is that where the members of Team Edward and Team Jacob duke it out?" Sonic asked as Ix face planted himself into the cash register, in the process hitting a button that caused the register to open and hit him hard in the stomach.

Rubbing his sore stomach, Ix replied through gritted teeth, "The Twilight Cage is a mysterious prison dimension…"

"Yeah, I'll have a chili cheese dog to go, please."

"We don't sell those."

Sonic looked horrified. "You don't _sell those?"_

"No, read the menu." Ix gestured to the very large menu behind him. "No chilidogs."

"Can't you just make an exception, for me?" Sonic almost begged.

"After what happened in _Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood,_ why would I do anything for _you?_" Ix glared at the blue hedgehog.

Sonic shrugged. ""Cause I'm just so cool and everyone loves me."

"You have a huge ego."

"Yeah, but my doctor said that with a good night's rest my condition should clear up."

"What?" Ix looked at Sonic, confused. When Sonic opened his mouth to explain Ix thought better of it and interrupted him. "Never mind. About the chilidog, would you like to speak to the manager?"

"Yes I would."

Ix left and returned a moment later with the manager, a black hedgehog with powder blue stripes on his quills, arms, and legs. Sonic gasped. "_Shadow?_ What are you doing here?"

"WHAT?" the hedgehog who was obviously not Shadow roared. "Are you color blind?"

"They thought it would be better if I was more relatable to everyone, which meant I had to develop the whole 'color blind' trait from SA2." Sonic explained.

Mephiles gave Sonic a blank look. "That made almost no sense."

"Neither did your game."

Ix made an "ooh!" sound while Mephiles glared daggers at Sonic. "If I'm not mistaken, the game was called _Sonic the Hedgehog_, therefore making it _your _game."

Sonic shrugged. "You say potato, I say French fries. Now about my chilidog…"

"_I'm sorry_," Mephiles said very sarcastically, "but we don't sell those."

"Well, can't you just put some chili on one of your hot dogs?"

"No."

Sonic was about to argue further when a new question came to mind. "Now, I've gotten over the initial shock of seeing Ix here, but why are you here, Mephiles?"

Mephiles sighed. "It all started roughly ten years ago. Under the direction of the Duke of Soleanna, the Solaris Project was meant to achieve nothing less than control of time itself, through study-"

"No, not that." Sonic interrupted. "I meant, why are you here, in McDonalds of all places?"

"Well, I've decided to use different methods in order to achieve world domination." Mephiles began to explain. "My plan is to one day become the owner of the entire chain of McDonalds restaurants. Of course, I needed a bit of help, so I broke Imperator and the rest of the Nocturnus Clan out of the Twilight Cage so that they could work for me."

"That explains why Ix is here." Sonic interrupted Mephiles again.

"Yes. After taking over McDonalds I will move on to other esteemed restaurant chains until I own them all! After restaurant chains I'll move on to vehicle manufacturers and video game industries, and then, the world!"

"Yeah, I think I'm ready to order now." Sonic declared.

Ix took a deep breath, slightly fearing what would come next. "What would you like?"

"I'll have a Big Mac, but with no sauce or cheese or anything like that. I would also like it served on a hotdog bun, not a hamburger bun, and instead of hamburger patties, could you just throw a bunch of processed meat in the bun and top it off with chili and cheese?"

"So, a chilidog?"

Sonic smiled. "If that's what you want to call it, sure!"

Ix sighed. "Again I say, WE DO NOT SELL CHILIDOGS!"

Sonic crossed his arms over his chest. "You know what? I think I'm just going to go to Burger King. At least then I can have it my way!"

With that bold statement, Sonic stormed out of the restaurant. Ix sighed. "Ya know, this chapter has been majorly disappointing"

Mephiles shrugged. "It could have been worse."

Ix raised an eyebrow at the hedgehog. "How so?"

"Silver could've been working at Pizza Hut."

**THE END**

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! A looooooooong time ago, Gnat1 suggested I try something with the Nocturnus Clan. This mostly just had Ix, but I hope that's alright with you! I haven't played the Sonic Chronicles game yet, so I apologize if Ix is ooc.**

**You know what to do. Leave a review! That sentence made a ryhme. Hehe. I like rhymes!**

**Thanks to the following people who reviewed last chapter: **

**ShadowandMadonna(guest): Yeah, I think it would've been pretty funny to see Sam deck Vector, but it didn't fit so well in the story. Thanks for reviewing! Ya know, you should get an account on this site! I'd love to PM you sometime!**

**DreamOrNightmare: Thanks for the multiple reviews! I'm glad your enjoing the story! I don't usually use oc's in my stories, but sometimes they're needed when no other canon character fits the role. I respect your opinion!**

**BlackSandHeart: Oh Xsus, you never fail to make me smile. Thanks for the review! "Vos es remitti. Arreptam me in aeternum, recognoscere." Uh...I'm not really sure what that means. What language is that anyway? I'm only fluent in english :)**

**TammyHybrid21: Aw, thanks! Isn't forgiveness wonderful? *gives Shadow a look* Anyway, thanks for reviewing! If I am ever given the chance to make fun of a pairing I will, no matter who is in the pairing. I couldn't resist adding that Sonadow line!**

**BlackStromNomad: Thanks for reviewing. Yeah, I took a little bit of French when I was younger (seeing as it is one of Canada's official languages), but I don't remember too much of it. Shows how much I pay attention in class!**

**Ghostking: Thanks for the review! Those closets, they'll get you every time! Your review actually made me start grinning stupidly as well!**

**Bluemist45: No problem! Thanks for letting me use her! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!**

**Werehog20: If there's one thing I love doing, it's parodying songs. I'v always thought of Charmy as the more random charcter, so that's why I made him do the line. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Gnat1: Man, so much forgiveness! You guys are gonna make me cry! Ok, not really. But it's still nice. Yeah, Aeris is a huge clutz, but that's why I love him! Thanks for reviewing!**

**SuperSonicWarrior: Yes, being alive is most certainly a wonderful thing! Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it!**


	15. Cause That's What Men Do

**For those who were wondering, the last line of the last chapter with Silver/Pizza Hut was a reference to shadow759's vids on the YouTube. Check 'em out!**

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to SEGA.**

**'Cause That's What Men Do**

It was a warm autumn day. Many of the characters from the popular game series of Sonic the Hedgehog were gathered at the modest home of Amy Rose. Three of these characters, Amy, Rouge, and Blaze, were just getting ready to head out on their annual shopping trip.

While the girls got ready, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles sat on the sofa in the living room.

"And that's why I don't wear pants." Sonic finished explaining to his two comrades.

"Uh, Sonic what's that got to do with snowmen?" Knuckles asked.

Sonic's eyes widened. "Snowmen? I thought we were talking about the clothing choices of modern day sapients!"

"You're both wrong," Tails stated. "We weren't actually talking about anything. Sonic just randomly said 'and that's why I don't wear pants'."

"Huh," Knuckles nodded. "What an enlightening conversation!"

Knuckles turned to Sonic, and in a fake British accent said, "Please chap, tell us more in this intriguing subject!"

Sonic tapped his chin as he pondered pants and life in general. "Well... It all started with this boy named Christopher who was wearing the ugliest pair of pants I had ever seen..."

"Boys! We're ready to go!" Amy announced as she and the two other girls descended the stairs to the main floor. Odd enough, Amy only had a one-story home.

"Explain to me again why we have to come shopping with you." Sonic groaned.

"Because you love us!" Amy declared.

"Any other reason? One that's actually true?"

"Oooh." Amy frowned at Sonic. "Someday, Sonic, you will realize that you love me and we'll go live in a big mansion together and have lots of kids. But until that day comes, I'll be at the mall. _Without you_!"

With that said, the rose hedgehog stormed out of the house, Rouge and Blaze following, both females looking very confused.

The three males sat in silence for a while, until finally Knuckles spoke up, sounding slightly disappointed, "Does that mean we're not going shopping?"

**VvVvVvV**

"Alright boys, we've got the day off! What should we do?" Sonic asked.

"Probably something very manly and tough, just like us." Knuckles put in.

"Like eating ribs and watching the football game?" Tails asked.

"No silly! Something even tougher!"

"Monster trucks?"

"Nope." A mischievous look came to Sonic and Knuckles' eyes. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Knuckles nodded. "I think I am."

"SLUMBER PARTY!"

**VvVvVvV**

"A slumber party? But that's not tough!" Tails was saying as he, Sonic and Knuckles stopped in front of the doors of Club Rouge. The boys thought that it wouldn't be logical to have the slumber party at Amy's home and didn't want to mess up Tails' workshop with their hard core partying. Since neither Knuckles nor Sonic actually had homes, they decided to go to Club Rouge. Besides, there were a few others they knew would love to join the party.

"Tails, when it comes to being tough, you're not exactly, well...How do I say his without sounding mean?" Sonic pondered for a minute. "Tails, you're about as tough as soup. Tomato soup. With no crackers. Or tomatoes. You're basically as tough as water. A small amount of water. Soft water, the kind without minerals and stuff."

Tails looked extremely hurt. "What happened to not being mean?"

Sonic shrugged. "The truth hurts."

Tails shook his head. "Let's just get this over with."

He trio pushed open the doors to the club and walked up the stairs that lead to the living quarters. Sonic knocked on the door, and without waiting for an answer, barged into the apartment.

"And that's why I don't wear pants." Silver the Hedgehog just finished saying as they entered. Sonic cocked an eyebrow at the dark hedgehog that sat across from Silver.

"What the heck were you two talking about?" Sonic asked.

"Nothing, actually." Shadow informed him. "I was enjoying the first peaceful silence since Blaze dumped him off here earlier when he randomly said that."

"I guess that makes sense." Sonic decided. Changing the topic he said, "We had the day off today, so we decided to get together and do something extremely manly."

"Eat ribs and watch the football game?" Shadow asked.

"Monster trucks?" Silver guessed.

"Nope," Sonic grinned. "A slumber party!"

Shadow scoffed. "A slumber party? That's not manly!"

"That's what I said!" Tails spoke up, but was silenced by Knuckles.

"Hush Tails, the men are talking." Knuckles said, waving his hand at the others.

Tails growled, but said nothing. Sonic, meanwhile, was busy trying to emasculate Shadow. "You wouldn't know manly if it waltzed in and introduced you to its family!"

"That doesn't make much sense." Tails observed.

"Shut up Tails."

"Hello?" Shadow waved a hand to gesture at himself. "I'm the Ultimate Lifeform! I'm manly! I ride motorcycles! I shoot evil aliens with guns that are twice my size! I'm a total badape!"

Sonic raised an eyebrow. "'Badape'?"

"The author sucks at censoring."

While Sonic nodded, silver decided to put his two cents in on manliness. "Well, I can time travel, and I can throw cars!"

"I can do that too." Shadow snorted.

"Can you do it with your mind?"

"...no."

While Silver smirked triumphantly, Sonic tried to get everyone back on topic. "Anyway, we were going to have our slumber party here!"

"Why here?" Shadow asked.

Sonic sighed and explained. Once he finished, Silver still looked confused.

"You were worried that you'd ruin Tails' workshop if you had it there, and since both you and Knuckles are homeless freeloaders, you thought it best to come here, to the residence of someone who obviously doesn't like you, in order to have a sleepover?"

"Exactly!" said Sonic. "And it's a slumber party, not a sleepover."

Shadow looked at Sonic, confused. "What's the difference?"

Sonic laughed. "Slumber parties are for men. Sleepovers are for girls. Duh!"

Silver and Shadow exchanged a very confused look but decided to say nothing in regards to Sonic's logic.

"So guys, you in?" Sonic grinned.

"No thanks."

"Heck no!"

Sonic pouted. "Pleeeeaaassse?"

He soon began to repeat 'please' as much as he could, with Knuckles joining in soon after.

About to snap from the annoyance, Shadow sighed irritably, "If I say yes will you leave and never come back, ever?"

Sonic and Knuckles nodded, while Tails began to point out what was wrong about that statement but was silenced by a firm hand clamped over his mouth, courtesy of Shadow.

"Ok, we'll do it. Now leave." Shadow pointed to the door.

Sonic and Knuckles skipped out the door in bliss while Tails shuffled slowly behind them.

The trio went to Tails' workshop to gather their sleepover, I mean, slumber party supplies. They then raced back to Club Rouge and were about to knock on the door when realization dawned on them. "We just promised that we wouldn't come back, making this slumber party impossible to have!" Sonic pointed out.

Tails face palmed. "Took you long enough."

"Wait, Shadow said we weren't allowed to come back, right?" Knuckles asked. Sonic nodded, failing to see the echidna's point. "He didn't specify where we weren't to come back too, did he?"

Sonic caught on to what his friend was getting at. "Perhaps he meant for us to never come back to the pizza shop down the street."

Knuckles nodded as Tails face palmed once again.

"In that case," Sonic turned to the door. "Party on!"

Sonic charged through the door, literally, splintering the wood and knocking it off one of the hinges.

Silver had been slumped upside down on one of the chairs, seemingly bored out of his mind. Shadow was lightly dozing on the sofa opposite, a random and irrelevant magazine draped over his face. When Sonic busted through the door, both hedgehogs were jolted out of their peaceful stupors.

"Hey, hey, who's ready to party?" Sonic asked as he and his two companions began to unroll their sleeping bags and fluffed up their pillows.

Shadow, who was just lifting himself off of the floor on which he had fallen, glared at Sonic. "I thought I said not to come back!"

Sonic grinned and flicked Shadow on the nose. "You didn't specify where we weren't to come back too!"

"I meant here."

"Oh. Well since we're already here," Sonic clapped his hands together, "Party on!"

Shadow grumbled something else and was about to argue more when Silver spoke up. "Just let them have their party. It's not like we were doing anything fun anyway."

"No." Shadow crossed his arms over his chest.

"Please?"

"No."

Soon Silver, Sonic, Knuckles, and a slightly reluctant Tails began chanting the word 'please' in extremely whiny voices that put Chris Thorndyke to shame (Sorry to any Chris fans out there. What's that? There aren't any? Oops.). Shadow's eye began to twitch. With a loud sigh he said, "Fine! Fine! Have your sleepover party whatnot! Just please shut up!"

"Yays!" they all said in voices that sounded much like that of a cliché teenage girl. While Shadow face palmed the four others gathered many blankets, pillows, and snacks for the party.

"What should we do first?" Sonic asked excitedly.

"We can gossip, tell ghost stories, watch a movie, give each other makeovers, play Truth or Dare…" Knuckles listed off.

Sonic interrupted him. "Nuh uh, no Truth or Dare. The author doesn't want to do another one of those."

"Okay then…Let's start off with gossiping!" Silver decided.

"Like, oh mah gawsh, did you see what Shadow was wearing today?" Sonic asked in the cliché teenage voice.

"Like, yaw. Totally ew!" Knuckles said.

"I know right? Someone should have called the fashion police! His shoes were so ugly, they should have been illegal!" Silver added.

Sonic nodded in agreement. "And don't even get me started on those quills!"

The four of them began to laugh, or titter, because that's what cliché teenage girls do. Shadow had been standing their all the while, mouth agape as he listened to all of this. "Hello? I'm standing right here!"

"Exactly." Sonic was back to his normal voice now. "So, what next?"

"Ghost stories I think." Knuckles said.

"Um, guys? How are we going to do ghost stories if it's around three in the afternoon?" Tails asked. "Won't the light take away from the whole 'scary affect'?"

"Don't worry Tails! We're in Shadow's emo house!" Sonic walked over to one of the windows and pulled the curtain over it. The curtain was black but was decorated with strange red spots. When the light shone on the curtain, it made the red spots look like small drops of blood. Sonic shuddered. "Now that's just creepy."

Shadow smiled sheepishly and shrugged. Knuckles went over to his pack and got out a flashlight. "Alright, who's first?"

"I'll go." Shadow volunteered. "I'll tell you the Ultimate Horror Story!"

"Dude, why's it always 'Ultimate this' and 'Ultimate that'? Can't you think of a more creative name for your stories?" Sonic asked.

Shadow ignored him and continued. "Now, this story may get graphic, so young kids may not want to listen." He warned. "Tails, that means you."

Tails huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Shadow flicked the flashlight on as Knuckles turned off the room's main lights. "Our story begins on a dark, stormy night, deep within the shadows of a shady forest…"

_**Many Graphic, Overly Dramatic Hours Later…**_

"And no one heard from them again." Shadow finished. No one looked impressed or scared in the least. In fact, Knuckles had actually fallen asleep half way through the story.

"Pathetic Shadow. Really pathetic." Sonic shook his head in disappointment before snatching the flashlight from his dark doppelganger. "Let me show you how a true master tells ghost stories."

"_Long ago, about a week or so, a very brave, handsome, stunning, courageous, amazing…_"

"We get it."

_"…super-fast blue hedgehog was walking down the street. Sharp pangs began in his stomach. He recognized these pangs as…_hunger!"

Silver gasped. Tails' eyes widened in fear and shock. Knuckles pulled his blanket closer to himself. Sonic continued his story.

"_He knew he had to act fast, lest the hunger take control. Down the street was a glorious metal cart, holding an even more glorious treasure within. Yes my friends, this was a chilidog stand."_

_ "Dipping deep into his final reserves of power, the blue hedgehog dashed down the street. When he reached that stand he slammed his money down on that cart and he said to the vendor…he said "Sir, give me the best dang chilidog you've got!"!_

By this time tears were spilling from Sonic's eyes as the true emotion of the story poured from his soul. And still he pressed on. This story had to be told.

"_But the vendor…the vendor's eyes were downcast. He said to the hedgehog, "Son, I'm sorry but…we're all out of chilidogs."_

Gasps were heard. Tails whimpered. Sonic bowed his head in sorrow. "_The end." _

Sonic turned the lights back on. "So, how was it?"

No one answered. Tails had fainted from shock. Silver was crying uncontrollably into his hands. And Knuckles, he was curled up in the corner in the fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth. Shadow stared at them in disbelief. "Really? You thought _that_ was scary?"

They all nodded, even Tails, who was still unconscious. Don't ask me how that works.

Shadow face palmed for the millionth time that day (Actually, I think it was only the second time.). "Whatever. What's next on the To-Do list?"

"I believe we watch a movie now." Silver said. "So…what movie?"

They were all silent. Hesitantly, Knuckles spoke up. "I brought '_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_'." (This one's for you BlackSandHeart!)

_**One Super Awesome Movie Later…**_

"That was just…so beautiful! Sonic said through the tears tumbling down his cheeks. Silver looked at him, utterly confused.

"Uh Sonic…? This was a comedy. Why are you crying?"

"It's just that…the well timed jokes…the simplicity of the humor…the swallows…" Sonic blew his nose noisily, "It's all too much!"

"Uh… yeah, all right." Silver scooted away from Sonic. "Next up is…_makeovers?" _

Silver looked up from the list he was holding. "Who made this list?"

Knuckles' cheeks reddened slightly. "Maybe we should just skip that one…"

"No, we can make it work." An evil smirk lined Sonic's face as he looked over towards Shadow. The others caught on and did the same. "Say Tails, you brought that new machine you made, right?"

"Yes, yes I did."

Shadow narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What machine?"

Tails opened up his bag and pulled out a large machine that looked like a bazooka flamethrower hybrid, only, the tank that was strapped to the fox's back was filled with millions of tiny jewels. "Shadow, meet the BeSparkler 5000."

Tails handed the bulky machine to Sonic, who leveled it with Shadow's head. "What is it I'm supposed to say now?" Sonic wondered aloud. "Oh yes…Sayonara Shadow the Hedgehog!"

"Oh sh-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"

The sound of a door opening could be heard on the main floor. AA voice drifted up the stairs. "_Boys, we're home!"_

"Oh crap! Rouge and Blaze are back!" Tails' eyes were widened in panic.

Sonic quickly shoved the giant machine back into Tails' tiny backpack as the other three (Shadow was currently incapacitated.) gathered up the rest of the gear. Quiet as a dump truck the four anthros all escaped out the window, even though Silver had been there before the party started and it wouldn't have been weird if he was still there.

Rouge opened the door to their living quarters and gasped in shock. "Shadow…what happened?"

A large section of the wall was completely coated in tiny, shiny jewels. Also besparkled to the wall was one very embarrassed Ultimate Lifeform. With a surprised yelp Shadow peeled off the wall and face planted into the floor, leaving behind a Shadow outline.

The dark hedgehog looked up at Rouge. "You don't want to know…"

**THE END!**

* * *

**OMG! This is the last chapter of Random Stuff! In 2012, at least...**

**Thanks for reading guys and gals. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks to BlackStormNomad, Lordoftheghostking28, ShadowandMadonna, Pizzagirl12, Unnoticed, Gnat1, DreamOrNightmare, BlackSandHeart, and TatlTails for reviewing the last chapter! You guys rock! **

**Please leave a review! And have a happy and safe Holiday! Merry Christmas!**

**Now, I'd like to ask that you guys tell me what your favorite 'Random Stuff' moments were of 2012. I'd like to know what kind of humor you liked, maybe what you didn't like, and what you think went a little too far. Thanks!**


	16. Sonic for President

**Sonic and related characters belong to SEGA.**

**Sonic for President**

This day was not going well at all.

Miles 'Tails' Prower was currently sitting in his Workshop just outside of Mystic Ruins, trying to reorganize the blueprints that had been cast asunder (What the heck kind of word is 'asunder'?) by an equally blue blur. This blue blur had been racing around the workshop for countless minutes now all while shouting loud choruses of "I'm bored! I'm bored! I am soooo bored!"

Tails sighed angrily. He loved his 'older bro' to bits, but right now, Sonic was getting on his last nerve. As the Blue Blur passed, Tails stuck his foot out and tripped the hedgehog, sending him face-first into the floor. Sonic's momentum was strong though, and ended up sending Tails crashing to the floor as well, his blueprints getting flung into the air once again.

"What was that for?" Sonic asked as he picked himself up off the floor, brushing dust off of his fur.

Sonic helped Tails to his feet as the fox explained. "I had to get you to stop somehow!"

Sonic put his hands on his hips. "You couldn't have just yelled 'stop'?"

"You wouldn't have listened." Tails said dryly.

Sonic chuckled. "Yeah, probably not."

Tails began sorting his blueprints out again. "Why are you here anyway? Is there really nothing else to do?"

"Well, I already went to see if Eggman had any new badniks to smash, but there was a sign on the door of his not-so-secret base that said 'Planning for World Domination; Please Do Not Disturb', so I went to see Knuckles, but he was too busy guarding his giant shiny rock to do anything with me, so I decided to stop by the Chaotix, but it just so happened to be Bring Your Mom to Work Day, and Mrs. Crocodile was giving a very interesting lecture on some birds and bees or something, so I…"

"Sonic! Breathe!" Tails interrupted, noticing how Sonic was turning blue from lack of oxygen…or at least, bluer than he already was.

After Sonic had regained his breath and returned to his normal state of blue-ness, Sonic finished his tale by quickly summing up, "…Amy and Cream are at Twinkle Park, and I'm not desperate enough to go and hang out with Rouge. I did, however, challenge Shadow to a race."

"And?" Tails prompted.

Sonic shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't stick around long enough to get a reply." Before Tails could lecture Sonic on the rudeness of his actions Sonic added, "In my defense, he was eyeing his gun locker in a way that I didn't feel at all comfortable with."

Tails nodded in understanding. "So you came here."

"Yep."

Sonic plopped down on the couch as Tails resumed working on his blueprints. After about thirty seconds of beautiful silence, Sonic began to hum some random-but very annoying-song. Tails threw down his pencil in frustration and turned to glare at Sonic. Sonic looked back at his younger bro with big, innocent eyes. "Yes?"

"Isn't there anything useful you could be doing?"

"Yeah, probably."

"So why aren't you doing that?" Tails asked.

"Because I'm lazy."

Tails sighed. "C'mon Sonic. There's gotta be something you want to do."

Sonic paused to ponder this for a while; he even tapped his chin and stroked his imaginary beard to add to the effect. "I've got it!" he shouted, jumping up and thrusting his index finger to the sky, "I'm going to run for President!"

**VvVvVvV**

"I'm sorry sir, but to be eligible to run for president you must be at least thirty-five years of age… and human." The elderly receptionist stated as she shuffled a few papers on her desk.

A few hours had passed since Sonic's bold statement. The blue hedgehog now found himself in the small front office of the White House. He wasn't exactly sure how to get his name in the running for president, so he decided the White House was a good place to start. The receptionist here, though, was not helping at all.

"Well I'm… uh…" Sonic cleared his throat and continued in a deeper voice. "I am thirty-five, mam. Actually I'm turning thirty-six in a few months."

The receptionist cocked an eyebrow. "Sir, only moments ago you told me you were fifteen."

"I… uh… fifteen in Mobian years is thirty-five in human years."

"I'm sorry sir, but you are clearly not eligible to run."

Sonic folded his arms across his chest. "Fine. I see how it is."

The cobalt hedgehog began to exit the office, but stopped and zipped back to the receptionist's desk. "Can't you make an exception for me? Please?"

The receptionist sighed. "There's nothing I can do."

Sonic huffed. "Why? Is it because I'm blue? Are you color-ist?"

The receptionist was about to say something but Sonic cut her off. "You are color-ist! This is discrimination! This is prejudice! This is… this is blasphemy! This is Monopoly!"

"Sir, calm down." The receptionist said sternly, but Sonic would have none of it.

"I will do no such thing!" Sonic shouted. "You color-ist! It's because of people like you that we lost in the Alamo! And it's all because of you that I lost the Olympics to Mario!"

"Sir, if you don't calm down right now I'll have to call security." The elderly lady warned.

"Go ahead and call them! They're probably color-ist too!" Sonic bellowed insanely. "I've had enough of you and your prejudice! Want to know what I think of it?"

Sonic snatched a decorative glass bowl off of the front desk and threw it on the ground. It shattered into millions of tiny glass shards. "That's what I think of it!" Sonic finished.

"Security!" the receptionist called. She then pulled out a pen and paper. "Sir, could I get your name?"

"My name?"

"I need to know who to make the bill for that bowl you broke out to."

"Oh, I see. My name is…" Sonic paused to think. "…Shadow the Hedgehog."

With that, Sonic, I mean, "Shadow", dashed out of the White House just as security showed up.

Many hours passed, and Sonic found himself sitting in the corner booth of a very crowded café. Beside him sat his trusty red friend. Oh, and Knuckles was there too.

Sonic stroked the shiny crimson toy fire truck beside him as he finished relaying all that had happened that morning to Knuckles.

"Dude, that is wack!" Knuckles stated.

"True dat."

"The Man came down hard on ya."

"True dat."

"And dang, I'm looking good today!"

"True da- wait, what?"

Knuckles was currently checking out his appearance in a randomly placed mirror. Little did he know it was not a mirror, but a picture of a dog painted in abstract. At least, I think it was a dog. "Look at me! I'm gorgeous!"

Sonic face palmed. "Yeah, sure you are."

The waitress showed up at that moment and set down two mugs. One was filled with hot chocolate and the other was filled with tea. Sonic wrinkled his nose in disgust as Knuckles sipped his tea. "How can you drink that poison water? Nasty!"

"I like it." Knuckles stated. "It makes me look smart."

Sonic shook his head as Knuckles once again began to admire himself in the "mirror". "Nothing could make you look smart, Knucklehead."

"Thank you!" Knuckles said obliviously, causing Sonic to face palm again.

"What am I going to do Knuckles?" Sonic asked. "I promised Tails I'd do something good with my life! That I would make a difference in this country and help the world!"

"It's not like you haven't saved the world umpteen times." Knuckles interjected.

"I know, it's just," Sonic sighed. "I don't want to fail my little bro."

"Ya know, the presidential candidates are giving speeches this afternoon." Knuckles said. "We could go and you could get up on stage and give one too. If everyone likes it, they'd have to put you on the ballot."

"Knuckles, that's genius!" Sonic exclaimed. "Wow, I never thought I'd actually say that!"

"You hear that Knuckles?" Knuckles asked his 'reflection'. "You're a gorgeous genius!"

"I take that back." Sonic deadpanned. "Knuckles, you're an idiot."

"I know!"

After the two Mobians finished their drinks they exited the café. Knuckles thought it would be totally badaxe of them if they performed a dine-and-dash, so the duo rushed out of the café as if it was on fire.

Thinking quickly, the two ducked into a nearby alleyway to catch their breath, even though they had only ran a couple of feet and were not taxed in the least.

Knuckles wiped some non-existent sweat from his brow. "Phew, that was close. It's a good thing we made that super stealthy, nonchalant, and totally not attention-grabbing escape!"

Sonic nodded in agreement. They had just pulled off the most successful dine-and-dash in all of history. Little did they know, Knuckles had forgotten his wallet in the booth. Not only were the drinks paid for, but the waitress also received a hefty tip. And a toy fire truck.

"Hey Knuckles, what time is it?" Sonic asked his red companion.

"Let me check." Knuckles rolled up his sleeve and looked at his watch. This was an odd thing to do considering he didn't have a watch, or sleeves for that matter. "It's a quarter past dime."

Sonic nodded. "The speeches are starting in an hour."

Alarm set into Sonic's features. "I've got to practice my speech! I've got to write my speech!"

Sonic dashed out of the alley and towards his home. Knuckles shook his head in amusement. Little did he know-

Knuckles frowned. "Could you please stop saying that?"

I suppose.

Knuckles nodded. "Thank you."

Little did he know I wasn't about to stop saying little did he know.

"Oh come on!"

**VvVvVvV**

A large crowd was gatheredon Main Street of Westopolis. On one end of the street a large stage had been set up on which the presidential candidates would be giving their speeches. Many people had shown up to witness the event, and even more news crews had gathered to broadcast the speeches all across the nation.

Among the bustling crowd stood a black and red hound dog, and a little ways away from the hound dog was Shadow the Hedgehog. Seeing as he was technically legal voting age, he decided he should pay attention to his country's politics, no matter how boring they were. Besides, this was the last place he'd expect to see-

"Hey Shads, wassup?"

Shadow swore as the annoying nasally tone of Sonic the Hedgehog invaded his eardrums. "Why are you here?"

"Same reason as you. To hear the speeches!" Sonic smiled and added nonchalantly. "And I may or may not but most likely probably will be giving a speech of my own."

Shadow cocked his head to the side. "Why? You haven't done anything extremely heroic in the past week and you're not eligible to run in the election."

"Well," Sonic began and Shadow immediately regretted asking. "I wanted to run for president, but this really old lady told me I wasn't eligible. I think she had something against blue hedgehogs. I dunno. Anyway, I was talking to Knuckles and he told me I should crash the presidential speeches and give a speech of my own so everyone will vote for me." Sonic stopped his explanation as he began looking around. "Where is Knuckles?"

The red echidna was currently standing in front of the red and black hound dog, pulling off various poses. "Yep, still looking good!"

The overly confused and creeped out dog slapped Knuckles before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Sonic shook his head as his red friend rubbed his sore cheek. "Classic Knuckles."

Taking notice of Sonic, Knuckles walked over to the blue hedgehog. "About time you showed up Sonic." He greeted his friend. "For the 'Fastest Thing Alive' you sure are slow."

Sonic scratched his nose. "Actually Knuckles, I got here before you."

Knuckles cocked his head to one side. "No, I don't think so."

Sonic was about to reply when a voice sounded over the various speakers set up around the stage. "_Greetings all, and welcome to this year's presidential speeches_!"

"And that's my cue." Sonic flashed Knuckles and Shadow a toothy grin and a thumbs up before zipping away to the stage.

Shadow face palmed. "This is not going to end well."

An elderly man was currently taking his place at the mic, the crowd cheering as he did so. He was about to speak when Sonic rushed onto stage and shoved his way in front of the man. "Hey all! Welcome to the greatest storm! I know, you have waited much to long!"

At this moment Tails pushed his way to stand next to Knuckles and Shadow in the crowd. "Uh, what's Sonic doing on stage?"

"Making a fool of himself." Shadow deadpanned.

"And I… I will be your shining star." Sonic continued. "I'm here, here to take you near and far! 'Cause when you're strong, you can fly, you can reach the other side of the rainbow. So follow me… set me free. Trust me and we will escape from this city."

Murmurs of confusion rippled through the crowd, but this did not stop Sonic.

"And together we will stand strong no matter how. No one can bring us down. When there's nothing left to lose, you win. So bow your heads low all hail Sha-"

A cough from the crowd cut Sonic off. Sheepishly he finished "-amWow. Yeah, 'cause like ShamWow, I'm going to clean up all of your messes!"

Sonic laughed awkwardly as the crowd stayed dead silent. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. In fact, they did hear a pin drop, for Knuckles accidentally dropped his lucky pink pin on the ground. "Sorry."

Sonic sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, in this world one is all. And in this world, never fear the fall. 'Cause when you leap without a net you'll find, it won't be there all the time. So watch your step America, watch your step. Don't fall."

Silence. No one moved, and no one spoke. Sonic rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly as he crowd stared up at him. "Oh boy…"

A clap. It was slow, but echoed loudly off of the buildings. More claps joined. Soon the entire audience was clapping madly, cheering and whistling as loud as they could manage. Sonic's eyes were wide in amazement. They liked his speech!

"Quiet! Quiet down all of you!" the elderly man pushed his way back to the front of the stage. As the crowd quieted, the man turned to Sonic. "What is the meaning of this?"

"A word used to identify a specific-"

"Not the word 'this'!" the man gestured all around wildly. "This!"

Sonic narrowed his eyes in confusion. "If you mean my speech," Sonic closed his eyes and scratched his nose. "I was hoping if I gave a speech and everyone loved it, my name would get put on the ballot."

"Impossible!" the elderly man spluttered.

"This is fanfiction! Anything is possible." Sonic snickered. "For a politician you're pretty dumb."

Fuming, the man snapped his fingers. The receptionist Sonic had encountered earlier waltzed onto the stage and handed the grey-haired man a large book. She then exited the stage, but not before shooting Sonic a dirty look. The man cleared his throat. "Now, it says right here on page forty-two-"

Sonic stepped forward and interrupted him. "Step aside I'll turn the page."

"No, that's not necessary." The man continued to read from the book. "It says right here that all eligible candidates must be at least thirty-five years of age to enter. Now I don't think it would-"

"I don't care what you're thinking, as you turn to me." Sonic interrupted again. "'Cause what I have in my two hands is enough to set me free."

The man gave Sonic a smug smile. "You don't have anything in your hands."

"All our hopes and plans," Sonic declared, raising a hand to the sky. "In one single hand!"

The crowd erupted into cheers once again. As Sonic basked in the praise, the man threw the book to his assistant before storming off the stage, his face red with anger and embarrassment.

Out in the crowd, Knuckles was joining in on the many cheers while Tails was standing there looking very confused. And Shadow, he was currently face palming excessively while regretting the day he first met Sonic.

Tails sighed. "Look out down below, Sonic is on the go."

"Can't stop this party 'til we save the world." Knuckles added.

The two Mobians looked at Shadow expectantly. The dark hedgehog shook his head. "I refuse to be a part of this." Tails and Knuckles shrugged.

Shadow watched as Sonic basked in the praise. "He's not going to give up on this, is he?"

Tails shook his head. "He's not going to stop until he's named president."

Knuckles snorted. "I think we all know that's not going to happen."

Tails and Shadow nodded in agreement. Little did they know-

"Are you kidding me?"

**The End!**

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**Thanks for reading! This chapter was long overdue! I hope you enjoyed, and thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter!**


	17. B&E Octopus

**Disclaimer: Sonic and co. belong to SEGA. Xbox belongs to Microsoft... I think. Celine Dion belongs to Celine Dion.**

**B&E Octopus**

Ah, Central City; a peaceful city full of quiet, serene, non-violent, unobtrusive, and another synonym for 'peaceful' people.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And then there's Sonic.

Sonic zipped down the street, breaking the sound barrier in his haste. He took a sharp turn and ducked into his house, still screaming like a maniac. He slammed the door shut and locked it, first with a thin chain, and then with a deadbolt. Pulling numerous two-by-fours out of who knows where, he boarded up the door and all the windows. Afterwards, he barricaded the door with the kitchen table, many wooden chairs, the fridge, a bed (not his, of course), a cat, the television, a chilli dog- no, he ate that, and a dresser.

"It's an armoire." Sonic corrected.

Yes, an armoire. My mistake.

Anyway, while Sonic was busy making an acceptable barricade in front of the door, a young two-tailed fox was staring at him with wide eyes. "Sonic, what are you doing?"

"Don't look now Tails," Sonic said, adjusting a very fragile looking vase placed on an end table at the front of the barricade, "but there's an octopus breaking into our house, and it is ugly! …And angry."

Tails cocked his head to the side. "What are you…?"

Tails' question was interrupted by a horrible growling sound coming from outside the house. The snarl shook the house and sent shivers running down the Mobians' backs. In a panic, Sonic dove behind the couch…

"Sofa!"

…that Tails was sitting on. Tails turned and looked down on the cowering ball of quills. "Sonic, what did you do?"

"Nothing!" Sonic defended. "I was just going for a walk when…"

Another roar shook the house, the glass trembling in its pains and pictures falling from the walls. The walls shuddered as the offending octopus threw its assumingly massive body against the house. Tails covered his ears as another growl tore through the house. "Man, that sounds worse than you trying to sing 'My Heart Will Go On' at karaoke night last week!"

"Ha ha, very funny." Sonic said, much obvious sarcasm lacing his voice. "Just get rid of that thing!"

"What thing?" Knuckles asked, suddenly appearing next to Tails on the couch- er, sofa.

Tails jumped. "Knuckles! Where did you come from?"

"I've always been here." Knuckles said simply. "Anyway, Sonic said something about a 'thing'…"

"Yes, there's an octopus trying to get me!" Sonic wailed.

Knuckles raised an eyebrow. "Did you forget to pay your gambling debts?"

"What?" Sonic shook his head. "I do not have any gambling debts!"

"That's not what Vector said…" Knuckles sang.

Sonic was about to shoot back a snide remark when Tails interrupted him. "Sonic, why is there an octopus after you?"

"I don't know!" Sonic cried. "I was just going for a walk…"

Knuckles clapped his hands. "Ooh, a flashback!"

_A blue hedgehog walked down a crowded sidewalk in Central City. Why was he walking? Well, he was walking because…uh… because he… you know, I'm not sure why he was walking. Anyway, the blue hedgehog, who we can safely assume is Sonic, felt sudden pangs in his stomach. He gritted his teeth as the pangs worsened, and he rubbed his stomach just to be sure it was still there. It felt empty, so much that he thought it may have disappeared. Yes, Sonic was very hungry._

"Sonic," Tails interrupted, "Why do your flashbacks always involve hunger?"

"Please save all questions until the end of the show." Sonic told him. "Anyways, I was feeling very hungry…"

_Sonic spotted a sushi restaurant just down the street. While sushi wasn't his most favorite food, there weren't any other restaurants conveniently placed on that street, and Sonic was too lazy, I mean, too hungry to walk to another street. Seeing as it was his easiest option, Sonic entered the restaurant. _

_ Sonic sat down at the front counter of the restaurant. To his left sat a very large and angry looking bulldog. Sonic smiled politely at him, but the bulldog only glared at him, his upper lip rising to reveal very sharp canines. Sonic quickly looked away._

_ To his right sat an amiable looking red octopus wearing a polka-dotted bow tie and circular-framed glasses. Sonic decided to try again with a polite smile, and the octopus smiled in return._

_ A waiter manning the counter took his order, and then left to deliver the order to the chef. Sonic drummed his fingers lightly on the counter as he waited. Since nothing even mildly humorous or noteworthy happened while he waited, we'll fast-forward a little._

_ The waiter stopped by and delivered a plate of colorful sushi to Sonic. Stomach growling and mouth watering in anticipation, Sonic used the supplied wooden chopsticks to pick up a piece of the succulent seafood. He popped it into his mouth and chewed slowly, savoring the fishy (not strange fishy, fish fishy) taste. Satisfied with the food, Sonic proceeded to inhale the other pieces until the plate was empty. His hunger not yet sated, he ordered another plate of sushi. When his next plate arrived, Sonic ravenously began scarfing down as much sushi as would fit in his mouth._

_ Meanwhile, the friendly octopus that sat next to him was eyeing Sonic's plate hungrily. "That sure looks good." The octopus said._

_ Sonic nodded and swallowed his mouthful. If there was one thing his mother taught him, it was not to talk with your mouth full. She also taught him to never accept candy from strangers on the street, but that's a story for another day. "It is good." Sonic told the octopus. When Sonic saw that the octopus continued to ogle his plate, he took the hint and asked, slightly annoyed, "Would you like to try a piece?"_

_ "Well, since you offered so nicely…" _

_ Sonic gave the octopus a reddish colored piece of the fishy treat. The octopus stuffed the piece into his mouth and began chewing. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to discern the type of fish. Coming up blank, he asked, "What kind is this?"_

_ "Oh, I think it's…" All the color drained from Sonic's face as he finished slowly, "…octopus."_

"…And after that, he got really mad and started chasing me." Sonic concluded.

Tails face palmed at Sonic's idiocy, while Knuckles snapped his fingers and exclaimed, "So it _was _gambling debts!"

Tails looked at Knuckles in disbelief. "No! Sonic fed octopus to an octopus!"

"How was I supposed to know octopuses don't like to eat octopus?" Sonic cried.

"How could you not know?" Tails hollered back.

"I don't know!" Sonic wailed.

"Guys! Quit fighting!" Knuckles hissed. "The octopi are getting angrier!"

"Actually Knuckles, the plural for 'octopus' is 'octopuses', not 'octopi'." Tails corrected.

"And," Sonic added, "There's only one octopus outside."

"Not anymore!" Knuckles exclaimed as a series of mighty roars shook the house. "Whoa, that sounds worse than Sonic singing that Celine Dion song at karaoke night last week!"

"It wasn't that bad!" Sonic defended.

Tails approached one of the boarded up windows, peeking through a slit in the wood. "Knuckles is right."

Sonic's eyes narrowed. "Wha-?"

"About the octopuses!" Tails quickly interrupted. "About the singing too." He added in his head… no wait, he said that out loud as well.

Sonic crossed his arms. "Some 'brother' you are."

Tails ignored him. "There's a whole bunch of octopuses out there! Looks like somewhere around fifty! No, more than that!"

"They must be having a family reunion!" Knuckles concluded.

"So, what do we do?" Sonic asked.

Tails left the window and returned to the sofa. "They've got the house surrounded." He said solemnly.

"We won't be able to get out of here alive." Sonic concluded, closing his eyes from the pain of the realization.

"What do you suggest we do?" Tails asked his older brother.

"There's only one thing we can do." Sonic took a deep breath, "We'll have to dance our way out!" Sonic struck a pose, with one hand on his hip and the other pointing to the sky. Both Tails and Knuckles sweat-dropped.

"Or," Sonic said, "We could wait until they leave?"

"Sounds like a plan!" Knuckles declared. "Do you still have your Xbox?"

Sonic laughed uneasily. "…no."

"I'm out." Knuckles said, getting up and heading for the door. Tails joined him.

"Guys, come back!" Sonic called after them. "You can't even leave! The door's barricaded!"

"No," Knuckles pointed to the barricade. "You blocked the fake door. The real door," Knuckles pointed to a wooden and totally not barricaded door. "is right here."

"Why is there a fake door?" Sonic asked.

"I installed it just in case the real door was barricaded." Knuckles explained. "I like to be prepared for anything."

Sonic watched, slack-jawed, as his two closest friends exited the house. His heart lifted when Tails returned, but dropped when Tails only said, "By the way, that's a dresser, not an armoire." He turned and exited the house once again.

"He's all yours!" Sonic heard Knuckles call out to the octopuses.

The hedgehog's eyes widened in terror as the octopuses stormed into his house, and he released a scream of horror, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, outside the house, Tails and Knuckles were casually walking down the sidewalk.

"Do you think Sonic will be alright?" Tails asked the red echidna.

"He'll be fine." Knuckles said with a wave of his hand. "He doesn't need our help."

A scream echoed throughout the city, "I NEEEEEEEED HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!"

Tails nodded, "You're right. He'll find a way out this mess. He always does."

More screams filled the air, all resounding from Sonic's small house. Knuckles chuckled and shook his head. "Sonic really should've paid his gambling debts."

**The End**

* * *

**Anyone know what TV show I'm referencing with the "gambling debts" shtick? I don't expect you to.**

**Fun fact: I didn't even have an idea for this chapter. I used a random prompt generator which gave me the prompt, "There is an angry octopus breaking into your house." Lots of mindless rambling later and BOOM! A chapter was written! **

**Thanks for reading, and I apologize for the lameness. Next chapter will be better, I promise. Here's a sneak peek:**

_Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a side of humility... and fries. But mostly humility._

**Now all that's left to do is write the chapter! And develop a plot... **


	18. Ultimate Prank War of Death

**Disclaimer: How long has it been since I posted a chapter? Too long! Well, all mentioned characters belong to their respective owners.**

**The Ultimate Prank War of Death!**

It was a cool spring morning. The sun was shining brilliantly overhead, not a cloud to block its brilliant splendor and brilliance. The grass glistened with dew and birds sang cheerful songs from the highest tree tops.

An annoyed hunter pulled out a large rifle and shot at the birds, but tragically missed each one. The birds all scattered, and from the tall grass a dog rose and laughed at the hunter's failure.

Far off in Central City, a blue hedgehog was just waking from a peaceful sleep. He yawned and stretched, before rubbing sleep out of his eyes and hopping out of bed. He slipped on his fuzzy pink bunny slippers and zombie-shuffled out of his room.

Sonic entered the bathroom and turned to look at the wall to his left. A girlish shriek tore from his lungs when his eyes fell upon a hideous blue beast with bloodshot eyes, lined with bulging purple bags. Gasping, Sonic wondered when he had hung such a horrible picture in his bathroom… then realized it was a mirror.

"Coffee, I haven't had coffee yet." Sonic mumbled, turning and exiting the bathroom.

Sonic stumbled down the hallway to the kitchen, running into walls more than once. _Coffee, coffee, coffee…_ Sonic opened a cupboard looking for the coffee grains. _No, no, no, wait… what is…? _Sonic pulled a whitish colored piece of fabric from the cupboard and unfolded it, revealing an old pair of underwear. Sonic gagged and threw the soiled undergarments behind him. _I don't even want to know how that got in there._

Finally locating the coffee beans, Sonic managed to prepare a pot of coffee without fatally wounding himself or anyone else. Sonic poured himself a steaming cup of Joe and took a large gulp of the black substance. Sonic's eyes widened and he spat the mouthful of coffee out, the hot beverage splashing across the floor and on certain appliances. "That's right; I hate coffee!"

It was at that moment that the doorbell rang. Sonic set down the mug of coffee and headed to answer the door. The furniture in his living room had been put back in its proper places after the octopus attack, and Sonic had made sure to get the false door removed… or maybe he got the real door removed. He wasn't sure. They both looked so much alike!

While Sonic made to open the door, Tails stumbled sleepily down the stairs. He turned and entered the living room, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Sonic, who's at the door?"

"_Who's on the other side of that door?_ _Find out after the break!" _Sonic's voice had taken on the tone of a TV spokesman.

Silence settled over the two Mobians as they stood there. Sonic had a creepy grin plastered to his face while Tails had his head cocked in confusion. The doorbell rang again, still neither of them moved. Tails was about to say something when Sonic finally unfroze.

_"Welcome back to Random Stuff!" _Sonic said, maintaining the spokesman-like tone. "_Now it's time to find out who's behind this door."_

Sonic opened the door with a flourish. Standing on the doorstep was a very angry-looking black hedgehog, a hedgehog that needs no introduction. He is…

"Hey! Terios, right?" Sonic asked.

The hedgehog who was so obviously Shadow crossed his arms over his chest. "No."

"Mephiles?" Sonic tried again.

"No."

"Sonic?"

Shadow face-palmed. "That's your name, idiot."

Sonic smiled sheepishly. "Heh, oh yeah." He scratched his chin. "Uh, Robotnik?"

"No."

"Geoffrey?"

Shadow sighed in exasperation. "Yes."

Sonic looked surprised. "Really?"

Shadow gave him an incredulous look. "What do you think?"

"Chilidog."

"What? That doesn't even make sense!" Sonic opened his mouth but Shadow cut in before he could speak. "And don't you dare say it makes dollars."

"I wasn't gonna say that." Sonic lied.

"Shadow, what are you doing here?" Tails intervened before Sonic could make an even bigger fool of himself, if it were even possible.

Sonic snapped his fingers. "Shadow! That's your name! I knew it!"

Tails and Shadow gave Sonic and odd look as Sonic smiled proudly at his intelligence. Slowly an uneasy expression replaced his grin. "What?"

The other two quickly shook their heads, possibly to clear Sonic's stupidity from their minds. Shadow pulled a piece of white paper from… somewhere… and passed it to Tails. "I came to talk to Sonic about this odd letter I received from the government offices."

"_Shadow the Hedgehog, as consequence of breaking a glass bowl in the secretary's office at the White House last Monday," _Tails read aloud, "_you are asked to pay a reimbursement. Attached to this letter is the bill. Thank you."_

"Dang, Shadow.I mean, murder and theft is one thing, but vandalism…" Sonic shook his head, "I never knew you had it in ya."

"The thing is," Shadow said, "I didn't break a glass bowl. I haven't even been to the White House in… ever!"

"Actually," Sonic spoke up, "there was that one time…"

"That doesn't count!" Shadow fumed. "Sonic obviously did something extremely stupid (which isn't surprising in the least) and blamed it on me!"

Sonic looked hurt. "Shadow, I'm hurt that you think I'd do something like that." He then turned to Tails and whispered. "He's right; I would do something like that."

"And because of him, I now owe the government money. I don't have any money!" Shadow said as Tails flipped the page to look at the bill. "I don't even think GUN has paid me for any of the missions I've done for them. I mean, I'm still picking up rings from the streets like a hobo."

Ignoring the obvious shot at him, Sonic looked over Tails' shoulder at the bill. He whistled. "That's a lot of moolah."

"Yes, that is a lot of moolah; moolah that _you _will be paying." Shadow glared at Sonic.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Sonic shook his head, "This letter is addressed to you, pal, so you're the one who has to pay the bill."

"I didn't break the bowl,hedgehog_. You_ did, and now you're going to face the consequences."

The two hedgehogs glared menacingly at each other, low growls rumbling from deep within their throats. Tails sighed. "Can't you two decide this with a race or something?"

Shadow shook his head. "This has gotten too big for one measly race to solve."

"For once I agree with him." Sonic said. "This petty rivalry has gone too far. We must end this now."

Tails sighed. "How?"

"Ultimate Prank War of Death?"

Shadow nodded. "Ultimate Prank War of Death."

"Then it's settled." Sonic turned to walk into the kitchen. "The Ultimate Prank War of Death begins tomorrow."

Shadow nodded. "Until tomorrow." With that, the dark hedgehog turned and walked away.

**VvVvVvV**

Today turned into yesterday as tomorrow turned into today. Sonic stood in a large, dusty clearing amidst an already clear desert. A tan trench coat was wrapped around his body, and his eyes were closed in anticipation. On his head was a light cream-colored Trilby with a dark stripe just above the brim. A soft breeze tugged at his cerulean quills and his coat, as well as flung sand against his legs. Despite the breeze, Sonic's hat managed to stay on his head.

A young two-tailed fox stood next to the hedgehog. He wrung his hands, anxious to get the prank war over and done with.

A black figure appeared in a flash of light a short distance from the two Mobians. Chaos Control; the trade mark move of Shadow the Hedgehog.

The dark hedgehog slowly approached Sonic and Tails. Like Sonic, Shadow was wearing a long trench coat, only his was a dark gray color. On his head was a dark fedora with lighter lateral stripes and a silver band around it. Reflective aviator sunglasses hid his eyes… or at least his irises and pupils. Shadow has big eyes.

Sonic squinted against the wind that blew sand into his eyes. "Ready?"

A small smirk graced Shadow's lips. "I was born ready."

Sonic nodded. "Then let the Ultimate Prank War of Death begin."

The two hedgehogs sat in silence, staring at each other and nodding slightly. The atmosphere grew awkward, though it seemed only Tails realized this. The hedgehogs were too intent on their staring contest to notice.

The silence was broken when Sonic said a cheerful, "See ya!" and took off with Tails in his wake.

**VvVvVvV**

Sonic was paranoid for the rest of that day, checking behind every door and forcing Tails to walk into darkened rooms first. He knew Shadow would be the one to play the first prank, and he wanted to be ready. Tails sighed as Sonic lifted a drink coaster, checking under it to see if Shadow was hiding there, waiting to prank him.

"Nope, not here." Sonic said, setting the coaster back in its place. "I've gotta hand it to him, he's one sneaky hedgehog."

"Or maybe," Tails said, "he's realized this whole prank war thing is ridiculous, and isn't going to take part."

"No, I know Shadow," Sonic lifted the cushions and checked underneath them. Satisfied when his search came up empty, Sonic let the cushions fall back into place. "He wouldn't let an opportunity to humiliate and degrade me pass. Shadow's in this prank war, and he won't quit 'till I'm good and pranked."

Sonic sighed and sat down on the couch. "The only thing I can do now is avoid anything that runs the risk of being a prank, and hope that I can manage to land a prank on Shadow. If it means checking over my shoulder every two seconds and searching in every nook and cranny for that darn hedgehog, then so be it."

"Sonic, don't you think you're being a little paranoid?" Tails questioned his older brother.

Sonic tried to hold back a laugh. "Pfft, I am not being paranoid!" He chuckled softly. "I may be unreasonably or obsessively anxious, suspicious, or mistrustful, but I am _not_ paranoid."

Sonic clapped his hands. "Onto the next important point of debate, just what did Shadow mean when he said 'see ya'?" Sonic leaned closer to Tails. "You were there, buddy. What hidden meaning did Shadow have behind those seemingly harmless words?"

Tails looked at Sonic pointedly. "_You_ said 'see ya', Sonic, not Shadow."

"That's just what he wanted you to think." Sonic scratched his chin. "I mean, me and him do look a bit alike… maybe he disguised himself as me when he said 'see ya', and then quickly changed back to himself." Sonic's eyes widened when realization struck him. "What if he didn't change back? What if he's still disguised as me, and I'm actually him right now? Maybe the real Sonic is still wandering the streets, oblivious to Shadow's, er, my plan?"

With a defeated sigh Sonic slumped against the couch. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

Tails sighed. "Sonic, maybe we should take a walk, to clear your head a little."

"Good thinking lil buddy!" Sonic jumped to his feet. "And on the way I can check and see what that fake hedgehog is up to!"

With that bold statement stated, Sonic dashed out of the house. Tails sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "Oh Sonic…"

**VvVvVvV**

Sonic and Tails were strolling leisurely along the sidewalk. The cool air had somewhat calmed Sonic's raging mind, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that Shadow was out there, just waiting for the prime opportunity to prank him…

Speaking of the black hedgehog, Shadow was standing a few blocks away at an ice cream stand. He slowly licked the soft vanilla treat he held in his hand as he watched Sonic and Tails walk down the sidewalk opposite to him. A small smirk lined the Ultimate Lifeform's face. Now was his chance!

Tails saw him first. Warning bells went off in the young fox's mind as Shadow approached him and Sonic. The dark hedgehog had two ice cream cones; one in either hand. Shadow smiled at the two Mobians, the small gesture looking very unnatural on the usually stoic hedgehog's face.

"Hey Sonic, Tails." Shadow greeted them. "The ice cream stand down the road was having a special sale; two cones for the price of one. I couldn't pass up an offer like that." Shadow held one of the cones out to Sonic. "I thought I'd give it to you, to apologize for getting angry with you this morning."

Sonic's eyes lit up as he accepted the creamy treat. "Thanks, Shads!"

Shadow's eye twitched slightly, but he managed to keep up his cheerful façade. "I've got to go now, but I'll see you later."

With that said, Shadow took off down the sidewalk. Sonic eyed the ice cream cone in his hand hungrily before making to take a huge lick.

"Wait!" Tails' cry stopped Sonic mid-lick.

"What?" Sonic asked, his voice slightly muffled due to the fact that his tongue still hung from his mouth.

"Don't you think it's a bit odd that Shadow apologized to you _and _gave you ice cream?" Tails asked.

Sonic retracted his tongue and shrugged. "People change."

"Yes, but, doesn't it strike you odd that Shadow, your greatest rival, has just given you an ice cream cone in the midst of a prank war?" Tails insisted. "Isn't it a bit…I don't know, out of character?"

Sonic closed his eyes and scratched his nose. "This _is _fanfiction, Tails. It's hard to find a decent fic where all the characters are in character all the time. The author probably got lazy writing that section of the chapter."

"So that's it?" Tails asked. "The author just had a temporary lapse of judgement, not Shadow trying to prank you?"

Sonic let his arm fall and opened his eyes. "Exactly!" He gave Tails a thumbs up. "Now you're starting to think like me."

The thought of beginning to think like Sonic sent Tails into a panic. Taking deep breaths to calm himself, Tails watched as Sonic took a huge lick of the vanilla ice cream.

Sonic's eyes widened and he spat out his mouthful of the dairy treat. Sonic let the cone fall to the ground, using his two hands to scrape the offending snack from his tongue. "That," he said between scrapes, "was _not _ice cream."

As Sonic continued to rid his mouth of the horrid taste, Tails bent down and swiped a gloved finger through the splattered treat. He lifted his finger to his nose and sniffed the white substance. He screwed his eyes shut and jerked his finger away from his face, sticking his tongue out in disgust. "Bleh! Mayonnaise!"

Tails wiped his finger on the ground to clean off the mayo, then stood and turned towards his older brother. "Uhh…Sonic? Are you alright?"

Sonic was bent over slightly, his hands folded in front of him and his eyes filled with a wild light. "Oh, I'm fine, Tails." He said, his voice sounding unnaturally calm. "Just planning, heh, heh… yeah, planning. He… he heh."

Sonic broke off in a fit of deranged laughter. "Don't worry, Tails. I'll make sure Shadow gets his 'just desserts'!"

As Sonic erupted into more insane laughter, Tails wandered over to a payphone. Inserting the correct amount of change into the coin slot, Tails picked up the receiver and quickly dialed a number. A pause. "Hey Knuckles…yeah, I think Sonic's broken."

**VvVvVvV**

Many painstaking hours later, Shadow pushed open the door to his small apartment and entered the room. He set his keys and his GUN issued gun on a table next to the door and yawned. GUN had called him away on a last-minute mission to infiltrate and bring an end to a meeting between an alleged terrorist organization. The information, however, had gotten mixed up and Shadow ended up crashing through the roof of an old hall during Senior's Bingo Night. Any other day the shock written on those senior citizens' faces would have been priceless, but Shadow was too angry at his faulty informant to enjoy the sight.

It had taken a while, but eventually Shadow managed to explain the situation and the owners of the building dropped all breaking and entering charges they had threatened the dark hedgehog with. Now Shadow's energy was spent, and he was ready for a relaxing evening at home.

Shadow entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He pulled off his shoes and gloves, and then stepped into the shower. He turned on the water.

Shadow shrieked like a girl as ice-cold water poured on his body. He quickly reached out and turned the tap to the warm side. He sighed as warm water soothed his now frozen body.

When his quills were sufficiently wet, Shadow reached on the shower shelf and grabbed the shampoo. He poured the white soap into his hands and began to lather his quills in it.

Something felt odd about his shampoo, Shadow thought. It felt almost… sticky.

Shadow examined the shampoo on his hand. It seemed whiter than he remembered it being. And it was definitely sticky, almost like…

Shadow's eyes widened in panic and he tried to pull his other hand from his head, but it stuck fast. "Glue!"

Shadow tried in vain to pull his hand from his head, but the glue held. Frantically he clawed at his quills, but his hand was still stuck. Gritting his teeth, Shadow grabbed his arm with his opposite hand and yanked as hard as he could, freeing his hand along with a large clump of sticky black quills. Shadow sighed in relief as he let go of his arm… only to find that his hand was now stuck to his arm. Shadow's eyes narrowed into thin slits.

"SONIC!"

**VvVvVvV**

Sonic awoke early the next morning feeling fresh and rejuvenated. He pranced joyously down the wooden staircase to the kitchen and saw Tails sitting at the table, tinkering with the toaster. "Good morning, Tails!"

Tails looked up from his work. "Morning? It's nearly three o'clock!"

"Is it?" Sonic asked in disbelief. He thought about it for a moment, and then shrugged. "Eh, better late than trapped in a sack of potatoes."

Tails cocked his head to the side. "What?"

"I'm going for a run!" Sonic said, ignoring Tails' question.

Sonic walked to the door and slipped on his shoes. "I'll be back in a Sonic-second!" Sonic told Tails, giving him a thumbs up. Then he took off.

…Or would have, if he could move his feet.

"Huh? That's odd." Sonic tugged at his feet, but they didn't budge. "Tails? I think my shoes are broken..." He scratched his chin. "…or maybe it's the floor. I dunno."

Tails put down the wrench he had used and crossed into the living room. He bent down and inspected Sonic's shoes. Tails noticed a clear, hard substance outlining the bottom edges of the shoes. He sighed. "It's glue; your shoes are glued to the floor." He examined the glue closer. "And it looks pretty high tech. Much more powerful than ordinary super glue you can get at the store." Tails looked up at Sonic. "Whoever did this must have connections higher up."

Sonic's eyes narrowed. "Eggman!"

Tails looked at Sonic pointedly. "I don't think Eggman would do something this childish and simple."

"I don't know," Sonic shook his head. "Egghead's getting old. His plans are becoming less elaborate every second."

Tails sighed. "Sonic, wouldn't you consider gluing someone's shoes to the ground a… oh what's the word… a…"

"Prank!" Sonic finished. "That sneaky hedgehog! When I get my hands on him I'll…"

Sonic trailed off, unsure of what he would do. "Well, whatever I do, it's gonna be bad." With that bold statement stated, Sonic took off out of the house…but didn't move an inch, and instead fell flat on his face.

"Tails?" he asked, his voice muffled by the floor. "A little help here?"

**VvVvVvV**

The next day, Shadow found himself heading down to the parking garage of the apartment. He was riding in an elevator with an elderly woman. More than once the woman tried to make conversation with him, and he politely replied to a few of her questions. Now the old woman was really starting to get on his nerves.

"…and I loved to play croquet when I was a young whippersnapper. I was on the championship team! Have you ever played croquet?"

"Yeah, sure." He replied, not really paying attention.

"Oh, it's great young girls like you are into classic sports like croquet!"

It didn't help that she thought he was a girl.

Finally the elevator ground to a stop and the doors slid open. "It was nice talking to you, missy. You stay away from those boys now, you hear?" the old woman said as she exited the elevator.

"…yeah. Bye." Shadow said half-heartedly. He shuddered involuntarily, before shaking his head and walking out into the dimly lit garage.

Shadow located his beloved GUN motorcycle a few cars away and walked over to it. The motorcycle was covered in a tarp to hide it from prying eyes… and Sonic. As Shadow approached his bike he noticed an odd smell permeating the area. He shrugged it off; it was probably fumes from an old battered car.

Shadow grabbed the tarp on his motorcycle and removed it in one fluid motion. What he saw made his heart stop.

Coating the once pristine ebony bike was a thick layer of a very familiar white substance. Shadow stared open-mouthed at his ruined bike, not believing what he saw.

His motorcycle was covered in mayonnaise.

The dark hedgehog's mouth opened and closed in a poor imitation of a fish. He made not a sound. Soon his eyes narrowed into piercing crimson slits and smoke literally poured from his ears. Or maybe it figuratively poured from his ears. I always get the two mixed up… Either way, Shadow was _mad_.

Sonic had done this, Shadow was sure. This was the blue hedgehog's lame idea of a prank. No, it crossed too many lines to be considered a prank. Mess with a man's shampoo and he may get a little upset, but mess with a man's motorcycle… Sonic was going to pay dearly.

Shadow growled menacingly, turning on his heel and walking briskly out of the parking garage.

It was time to end this.

**VvVvVvV**

Tails raced past the many people crowded outside of a tall building, pushing to reach the police lines. One of the officers saw him and allowed him to pass the police tape. The officer pointed to the roof. "They're up there."

Tails nodded his thanks before flying up to the roof of the building. His twin tails spun madly, propelling him up with great speed. Breathing slightly labored, Tails landed softly on the roof. "Sonic!"

"Stay back Tails!" Sonic directed the fox. "Things could get messy."

Sonic was standing just off-center of the roof. Across from him, about twenty paces away, stood Shadow. Shadow had his left arm raised, and in his hand he gripped a simple hand gun. Sonic, on the other hand, had a ripened yellow banana in his outstretched arm.

Tails went from being worried to confused in two seconds flat. "Sonic…why are you holding a banana?"

"This may look like an ordinary banana to you," Sonic declared, "but really it's… an ordinary banana."

Shadow chuckled darkly. "Do you really think that banana can defeat my gun?"

Sonic hesitated. "It's a… it's…kinda sharp and…pointy…"

Tails knew he had to intervene before things got ugly. "Sonic! The odds of you winning with that banana are less than…"

"Never tell me the odds!" the blue hedgehog interrupted Tails.

Shadow smirked and fully cocked his gun. "Prepare to die, hedgehog."

Sonic, in a comedic last-ditch effort to avoid serious harm, threw his banana at the dark hedgehog. The banana sailed through the air, spinning slowly as it travelled. Time seemed to slow as Tails watched the yellow fruit soar across the sky. The young fox could hear his heart as it pounded steadily within his chest.

The banana finally reached its mark, wedging deeply into the gun's barrel. Annoyed but undeterred, Shadow pulled the trigger. What happened next shocked the world to its core, and will continue to shock it for the rest of its days.

There was an odd clicking noise. The noise was soft, but in the dead silence the sound couldn't have been louder.

Shadow cocked an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

The gun blew up in his face.

Shadow coughed as black smoke seeped into his lungs. Black soot covered his already dark face, coating his tan muzzle in its ebony ash. For a moment no one spoke. No one moved, and no one breathed.

The silent atmosphere shattered as both Sonic and Tails were overcome by a massive fit of laughter.

"You think this is funny?" Shadow questioned venomously.

Sonic wiped a tear from his eye. "Yes, yes I really do."

Shadow's anger rose as both Tails and Sonic continued to laugh hysterically, the latter rolling on the ground and clutching his stomach in his fit. Tears streamed from both of the Mobians' eyes.

Shadow's eyes narrowed into malevolent slits. "You're going to pay now, hedgehog." He hissed.

Shadow tried to charge at Sonic but instead fell flat on his face. As Sonic and Tails erupted into more laughter, Shadow glanced back and saw that his shoelaces were tied together. "What? How did…?"

"After the banana…I ran… didn't even see me…" Sonic managed to say between fits, "They don't call me… fastest thing alive… for nothin'!"

Using his incredible speed, Sonic had managed to tie the Ultimate Lifeform's shoelaces together while he and Tails were distracted by the banana. This feat, although impressive in itself, was even more remarkable considering Shadow didn't have shoelaces.

"Yes!" Sonic cheered when the laughter subsided. "I have won this prank war. I am the Ultimate Prank Master!"

Shadow growled and climbed to his feet. He tried to go after Sonic, but his shoelaces tripped him up and he fell on his face once again.

Sonic laughed again. "Did ya enjoy your trip, Shadow?" he quipped.

"When I get my hands on you, Sonic," the dark hedgehog snarled, "I swear I'll…"

"What? Fall on me?" Sonic joked, and despite it being lame Tails still laughed. Near death situations can do that to a guy.

"Come on bud," Sonic said to Tails, "Let's go home. All this laughing is making me hungry."

"You're always hungry." Tails laughed.

Sonic chuckled too. "Better believe it!"

Sonic and Tails headed towards the roof's exit. Tails pulled open the simple white door and disappeared down the stairway. Sonic was about to leave, but couldn't resist throwing one last jibe back at Shadow.

"Hey Shadow, see ya next fall!" Sonic grinned.

"Sleep with one eye open, blue hedgehog," Shadow warned, "'cause when I get out of this, I'm coming after you, and you'll be sorry."

Sonic chuckled and shook his head. "Whatever Shads." A new thought dawned on him, and a cruel grin lined his face. "I suppose this would be a good time to tell you that… YOU LOST THE GAME!" Sonic winked before quickly disappearing down the stairs.

Shadow figuratively exploded.

"SONIC!"

Or maybe he literally exploded. I can't seem to keep those two words straight. Eh, whatever.

**THE END...****OR IS IT?**

**:)**

**Yeah, it's over.**

* * *

**Ha ha, I meant to get this out by Monday, but stuff happened and the story got waaay longer than I had anticipated. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter, and everyone who read this chapter. **

**And dang, my Canucks got kicked out of playoffs. I'm sad :'(**


	19. Hostile Takeover Pt 1

**DISCLAIMER: ALL SONIC RELATED CHARACTERS ARE PROPERTY OF SEGA. ALL OCs BELONG TO ME.**

Hostile Takeover

**Part 1 of 5: Initium**

Deep within the dark confines of an old factory building, a spiky creature scurried along a winding metal path. Its feet made soft thumping noises on the tiled floor, and its breathing came in soft gasps. The creature stuck to the shadows, the darkened corners disguising its slick blue fur. Sharp green eyes shone from amidst the ebony shades, searching for signs of other forms, living or otherwise. That's right folks; Sonic the Hedgehog was in the building.

Sonic rolled the cuff of his glove down, revealing a small communication device strapped to his wrist. He held the watch-like device up to his mouth and pressed down on a small red button. "Blue Blur to Two Tails. Come in, Two Tails."

"_..Two Tails? Who is…?"_

"That's your call name." Sonic whispered. "We discussed this!"

"_I thought I was 'Ace'." _ The small voice replied.

"No, Ace was already taken." Sonic explained. "I changed it to Two Tails."

There was silence on the other end, and then, "_Can't I just be Tails? I mean, Two Tails kinda sounds like an insult…"_

"Tails!" Sonic hissed, "Focus! I just breached Egghead's factory. Which way do I go now?"

"_According to the building schematics I found earlier,_" Tails began, "_the hallway branches off into two different directions just ahead. Take the hallway to your left."_

Sonic nodded to himself and padded silently down the hallway. Coming to the section in which the hallway branched out, he stopped and glanced in both directions. All clear on the right, but the left…

Sonic quickly ducked out of sight, taking cover under a cardboard box tossed aside long ago. Two clunky Eggpawns ambled by, their metallic feet clanking loudly on the tiled floor. The Pawns turned and headed down the hallway where Sonic hid, passing by the blue hedgehog without a glance. When they had gone, Sonic breathed a relieved sigh and tossed off the cardboard box. "Huh, it actually works!"

_"Sonic? You still there?" _Tails' voice was edged with worry.

"Yeah, almost had a run in with two Eggpawns. No biggie!" Sonic checked the hallways again. All clear. "Oh, remind me to thank Snake later."

_"Why?"_

"I'll tell you later." Sonic slowly crept down the hallway, his ears on a constant swivel as they checked for even the slightest noise. "Where do I go now?"

_"Walk about…fty met…oor to your…" _Tails' voice was broken by static.

"Tails?" Sonic asked. "Tails buddy, you still hear me?"

"_Soni…break…jamming sig…"_

Soon Tails' voice was completely overtaken by static. Sonic tried once more to contact his younger bro, but his attempts bore no fruit, not unlike the apple tree I planted last spring. With a sigh Sonic turned his communications watch off. "Looks like I'm going it alone."

Silently humming the _Mission Impossible _theme, Sonic continued on down the hall. The walls shuddered and the floor creaked under his shoes. Sonic cringed at the sounds of his echoing footsteps, so boisterous in the silent environment. Hey, he was _Sonic the Hedgehog._ "Silent" was not in his vocabulary.

_If I remember right, the door should be just up ahead. _He thought, continuing his stealthy trek. The factory was dark, and Sonic couldn't see too far ahead. _Just a few more steps…_

Then it hit him.

Sonic cursed silently and rubbed his sore forehead. He had run straight into the door. Sonic growled, "How cliché."

Hey, I'm not getting paid to be original. I'm not getting paid at all. Hmm…

Sonic shook his head before grasping the shiny silver doorknob. He gave it an experimental twist. It turned effortlessly. Sonic grinned. _Too easy._

With the grace of a ballerina that was half asleep and covered in bees, Sonic pushed the door open and darted into the room. He silently shut the door behind him, and flipped the light switch on the wall. The lights flicked on, bathing the room in bright white light. Sonic cried out and covered his eyes as the harsh light flooded his vision.

Cursing the evil gods of light that dared defile his perfect eyesight, Sonic slowly winked one eye open, and then the other one. He quickly glanced around, making sure that the room he was in was indeed clear of hostile entities. His search coming up clear, Sonic confidently marched further into the room.

There wasn't anything of great significance in that room, just a small table and a couple of plastic folding chairs. The walls were bare, save for the single light switch by the door. The floor was made of a shiny white tile, immaculate and striking in every way possible. It sparkled like a thousand diamonds and seemed to shine with a godly light, brighter than the sun above. Yes, that was one impressive floor.

There was one other item in the room that caught Sonic's attention. A tall silvery box sat opposite to the table and chairs, gleaming divinely under the artificial lights. There were two handles on the front of this box, both made of smooth black plastic. Curious, Sonic firmly grasped the handles in his gloved hands and pulled.

The doors swung open easily, revealing shelves overflowing with various items of many shapes and sizes. Sonic's eyes widened. The contents of this box were even more impressive than the floor! Quickly remembering his mission, Sonic began scanning the shelves, searching for the one item that had started him on this crazy mission in the first place.

Minutes of painstaking searching passed, and he still hadn't found what he was looking for. Sonic was about to give up when his eyes finally fell upon the prize. His face lit up with an angelic light. Sonic chuckled and high-fived himself. _Piece of cake!_

**VvVvVvV**

Sirens blared all throughout the factory. Red lights flashed on and off, bathing the steel walls in red light. The surveillance cameras swiveled from their places on the walls, searching for the enemy that had trespassed on their solitary fortress. Computer monitors throughout the entire complex all relayed the same message: _Intruder_.

Robots scrambled hastily about the factory, hunting for the currently unidentified enemy. Among them, a very, eh… _rotund_ man maneuvering a steel aircraft shouted orders to his robotic minions.

Robotnik was furious that someone had been able to bypass his security system so easily. It was that blasted hedgehog again, this Robotnik was sure. No matter what he did, Sonic always managed to foil his schemes. And this time, Robotnik hadn't even done anything. He was planning, but no plan had been put into action yet. In the doctor's eyes, Sonic had no reason to be there, other than to spite him.

A robot lackey marched up to Robotnik. "_Sir, intruder spotted." _It said in its synthetic tone.

"Show me!" Robotnik demanded.

The robot led Robotnik from the stampeding army and into one of the main control rooms. Surveillance footage had been pulled up on the various monitors, each showing a different area of the complex. One of the screens showed a small blue creature racing at high speeds through the halls. Robotnik's eyes narrowed and a malicious snarl graced his lips.

Robotnik grabbed a microphone from the desk and pressed down a red button. "All robots, after that wretched hedgehog!"

Robotnik's voice echoed throughout the factory, and his robot minions immediately followed their master's command.

The robot lackey next to Robotnik reported to the evil doctor, "_We have reason to believe hedgehog was in The Room." _

Panic flared in Robotnik's chest. Sonic had entered The Room. That could only mean one thing.

He was after _it._

One mad dash through the factory later (Robotnik in his hovercraft, of course. Like he was going to walk that far!), Robotnik had arrived at the room that Sonic had recently invaded. The mad doctor (in more ways than one) tore open the doors to his beautiful stainless steel refrigerator and gasped.

_It _was gone.

Robotnik dropped to his knees in utter defeat, and cried out in a strained voice full of anger and loathing, "SSSSOOOONNNNIIIICCCC!"

Sonic had stolen his cake.

**VvVvVvV**

"And then I hid around a corner, and all the robots charged right past me!" Sonic was saying as he and Tails strolled down a worn forest path that lead (hopefully) far away from Eggman's factory. "It was the easiest mission I've ever done!"

"Great job Sonic!" Tails praised his older brother.

"Thanks Tails." Sonic ruffled the fur on the young fox's head. "The victory was sweet, but the cake was sweeter!"

"Speaking of which," Tails looked hopefully up at Sonic, "did you get me a piece of the cake?"

"Uhh…" Sonic scratched the back of his head, "Actually Tails…as it turns out, the cake was a lie."

"And by that you mean you ate it all."

"You know me so well."

"Sonic!"

"Hey," Sonic jumped in front of Tails and began walking backwards so that he could speak to his bro face-to-face, "it was chocolate cake! You can't seriously expect me to have a cake and not eat it all!"

Tails glared at the blue hedgehog.

"If it helps, I thought of you the entire time I ate it." Sonic grinned awkwardly.

"It doesn't help."

"Eh, it was worth the try."

A bush skirting the path trembled, almost as if it had seen a ghost, or Big the Cat. Sonic and Tails stopped and spun to face the bush, but it was still once again.

"If that thing lights on fire," Sonic deadpanned, "I will freak."

Everything was silent, as if the entire world had taken a collective breath. When nothing more happened, Sonic shrugged before he and Tails continued on down the path.

"How 'bout I make you a cake when we get home?" Sonic tried once again to get on his brother's good side, but Tails would not budge.

"Sonic, you know you're not allowed in the kitchen anymore."

"Hey, I only lit it on fire once, and that oven had it coming!" Sonic stopped and crossed his arms over his chest, mumbling, "Stupid oven, insulting my mother like that."

Tails pushed past Sonic and continued on down the path. Sonic sighed and followed him.

"Look, I'm sorry! But it's just cake! Seriously, let it go!"

"_Just cake_?" Tails' eye twitched. "Was it just a pen that signed the Declaration of Independence? Were they just bullets that killed many people? No, and I don't believe that this was _just cake_." Tails spun around to face Sonic. "This was more than cake, this was…"

Tails trailed off when he realized that Sonic was no longer behind him. "Sonic…?"

Tails felt an arm wrap around his throat, securing him in a headlock. He struggled to get free, but his attacker was far stronger than he. Tails tried to cry out, but a rag was tied firmly around his mouth to keep those pesky screams at bay. Tails kicked out but he wasn't able to land a good hit on his attacker. The world grew dark as Tails was tossed into a large sack.

**VvVvVvV**

The room was dark. In many ways it resembled a police interrogation room, only there was no one-way glass. The walls and floor were both made of the same wooden planks. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling, casting a sparse amount of yellow light on the room. Directly below the light were four chairs, and in each of the chairs was a Mobian.

The Mobians all had their hands tied behind their backs, and gags in their mouths. Dirty rags acted as blindfolds for the creatures.

One of the Mobians, a blue furred hedgehog, tried to speak, but his voice was muffled by the gag. The Mobian next to him, also a hedgehog, grumbled something incoherently.

Four figures entered the room and stood behind the captured Mobians. One of the figures, presumably the leader, nodded to the others.

The blindfolds were removed, as were the gags. Sonic gasped, "Finally! Free to speak!"

"Can we please put the gag back on him?" Shadow asked.

Sonic stuck his tongue out at the dark hedgehog, who only glared. Next to Sonic, Tails shifted uncomfortably. "Sonic, what's going on?"

"Were we accepted to Hogwarts?" the fourth Mobian, Knuckles the Echidna, asked stupidly. Everyone glared at him.

"Greetings! Welcome to your doom!"

The Mobians turned their gazes forward and saw a white hedgehog standing before them. His top two quills were fashioned in a style very similar to Shadow's quills, while the bottom quills hung down like Sonic's. Each of his quills were highlighted with strange red markings.

On his feet the hedgehog wore bulky red boots, and adorning his face was a magnificent black moustache.

"Dude, sick 'stache!" Knuckles exclaimed.

"_Thank you" _

The Mobians froze. That voice hadn't come from the hedgehog.

It had come from the _moustache._

Slowly three golden eyes blinked open on the moustache. They were arranged in a triangle, right under the hedgehog's nose. Inwardly, Sonic wondered how the view was there.

"My name is Myoc." The hedgehog said. "_Uncle_ Myoc. This here," he gestured to his moustache, "is Doom Stache."

Uncle Myoc folded his hands behind his back and began pacing. "I am the long lost brother of the notorious Black Doom. He was embarrassed to be related to me, so I'm sure I was never mentioned at family reunions. Yes Shadow, I am your uncle!"

Shadow's eyes narrowed. "How is that even…?"

"And Sonic." Myoc interrupted, "I am also your long lost uncle, all thanks to wonderful powers of fan fiction!"

"…Ok, I'll buy it. What about the moustache dude?" Sonic asked.

"Ah yes, Doom Stache." Uncle Myoc stroked his moustache. "He's just a moustache."

The Mobians nodded in understanding of that perfectly logical explanation. All moustaches have eyes… at least, they do in my world.

"How about your other cronies?" Sonic asked Uncle Myoc. "Who are they?"

Myoc smiled. "Come, my associates. Don't be shy."

The three previously mentioned figures moved to the front of the room and stood next to Myoc. One of them was a massive black and red hound dog. The second was an elderly woman, hunched over and wearing a lengthy gray skirt and pink blouse. The last figure was a small red crab.

"The hound dog," Uncle Myoc began. "is Daeg. He is the one whom Knuckles annoyed at the presidential speeches."

Daeg cracked the knuckles on both of his fists in… greeting, I think…

"This wonderful woman," Myoc said, gesturing to the old woman, "is Margret; the same Margret that our dear Shadow was so rude to on the elevator."

"I may be old, missy, but my mind's still sharp!" Margret screeched at Shadow.

Sonic chuckled. "Dude, she thinks you're a girl!"

"You better keep your mouth shut girly!" Margret warned Sonic. Shadow smirked.

"And last, but certainly not least…" Uncle Myoc gently lifted the crab into his hand. "This is Steve. He tried valiantly to protect the Chaos Emerald from you, Sonic. He clung to your ear for days. You cried the entire time!"

"Did not." Sonic mumbled as Knuckles burst into a fit of laughter.

Trying to regain his manliness, Sonic decided to take control of the meeting. "My name is Sonic, as I'm sure you all know. The fox kid here is my younger bro, Tails. The dumb echidna on the end is Knuckles, and the emohog beside me is Shadow."

"I am not emo." Shadow growled. "I'm just… emotional, sometimes."

"Whatever you say, emohog." Sonic chuckled. Before Shadow could reply, Sonic decided to change the topic. "Let's get this over with. Why did you guys capture us?"

Uncle Myoc returned Steve to the floor and chuckled darkly. "Sonic, do you remember that fateful day in the park? You went to buy a chilidog, but found that they were all sold out."

Slowly, Sonic nodded. "Yeah, I remember. It was the worst day of my life! I had nightmares for weeks after that! No chilidog stand could be trusted…"

Uncle Myoc nodded. "Yes. Now Sonic, do you recall who else was in the park that day?"

Sonic mulled over this for a moment. In truth, the details of that day were a bit foggy, and he wasn't all too keen on remembering them again. Finally, Sonic shook his head. "No, I don't know."

Uncle Myoc slowly approached Sonic. He crouched down in front of the blue hedgehog, brining himself to Sonic's eyelevel. "_I _was in the park that day." Myoc hissed. "_I _was the one who bought the last chilidog!"

Sonic gasped, his eyes widening in horror. Uncle Myoc chuckled and stood up. He turned and began to walk back to his original place. "Of course, you wouldn't remember that little tidbit. You canon characters never remember the many OCs that come and go in this fan fiction." Uncle Myoc spat. "No one ever remembers us!"

Uncle Myoc turned to face the four captured Mobians. "You four are the main characters of this here story. You are the ones who have stolen away our spotlight, far too many times! It is now your turns to feel defeat!"

Sonic growled from deep within his throat. Shadow's eyes narrowed into slits. Knuckles' hands balled into fists. Tails gulped.

"Brace yourselves, dear readers." A sinister smirk graced Myoc's lips. "We are taking over this fan fiction!"

* * *

**DUN DUN DUNNNN! **

**SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE. I HAD MEANT TO GET THIS DONE ON WEDNESDAY (JUNE 12)... IT IS NOW SUNDAY (JUNE 16). I'M BAD WITH DEADLINES!**

**HERE IS A SPECIAL FIVE PART STORY TO CELEBRATE MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY ON THIS SITE! IT WAS ON THE AFOREMENTIONED WEDNESDAY, BUT LIKE I SAID, I'M BAD WITH DEADLINES. SORRY ABOUT THE LACK OF HUMOR, BUT I HAD TO GET THE PLOT GOING. DON'T WORRY; THERE WILL BE HUMOR!**

**THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER! **

**...**

**I REALLY WANT TO HAVE MY OWN UNIQUE WAY OF CLOSING OFF AN AUTHOR'S NOTE, BUT I HAVEN'T FOUND ONE YET. HMM...**

**STAY CLASSY, FANFICTION!**


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